“Psychological research and experience tell us that people-pleasing is not a formula for happiness or success.”

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again (p. 67). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

We need to really learn that, don’t we?

Henry says, “Successful people realize that just because someone is unhappy with them does not require that they give up their purpose, fold their cards, or change. They realize that making some people unhappy is just part of the deal—and they keep going. I once heard Tony Blair say that when you realize that every decision divides, it really helps. It is just part of life. When you turn to the right, there will be some who want you to go to the left, and vice versa. It is the nature of making choices. When we accept that every decision divides, we quit trying to do the impossible, i.e., pleasing everyone, and we begin making the right choices, knowing that our choices will divide.”

Henry goes on, “Happy people do not compare themselves to others or overly concern themselves with others’ opinions of them. They are directed from the inside—their personal values and convictions and staying true to themselves is an inner compass they will not violate. Research shows that people with intrinsic motivations—motivations that come from their own hearts—are the successful ones. The people who reach goals are the ones who do what they themselves have decided to do, from their own hearts, not because of pressure from others. The Bible agrees with the research when it says, ‘A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps’ (Proverbs 16:9, HCSB). Our hearts and God guide us, not the opinions of others.

“This does not mean that successful people ignore correction and input from others. Far from it. . . the most internally directed people are the most open to feedback. Why? Because they do not fear it. They welcome it and use it to become better directed—internally. When it is good, they make the feedback part of them, which is way different from trying to live up to the expectations of others. As they make changes based on feedback, they are not trying to please the ones who provided the feedback; they are trying to become better versions of themselves.”

He then says, “It turns out that seeking people’s approval is one of the things that God warns us about over and over. Proverbs 29:25 says that “the fear of man is a snare.” Paul says that if he were seeking the approval of men, he would no longer be a servant of Christ (see Galatians 1:10). Jesus unpacks this further and gives a stronger warning, in the strongest language: ‘Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you.’ —Luke 6:26a, NIV”

I was a Church Planter for many years.  In starting a new Church, we had a purpose for our existence and the style of music came out of that purpose.  We would have some people come and they would let me know that they didn’t appreciate our style of music and I would tell them as kindly as I could that there was a church down the way that sang their style of music and maybe they should give them a try.  We wouldn’t be changing our purpose because of their desires. 

Let’s stay true to who we are and God’s plan and purpose for our life.  Okay?

Yes, yes!