Just Continue That Thought...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 64). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) They really are. Henry says, “In fact, our earliest mappings of the world come from our relationships. This is probably not news to you, but it is very important in terms of endings. You have software that tells you how to negotiate virtually every aspect of life as it plays out in relationships, and the maps order how you think, feel, and behave. “If these rules come into conflict with any particular ending, then you will be stuck. I worked with a business owner one time who began under a mentor who launched him and brought him up in the business. This mentor was a great gift to him, and without him he probably would not have even gotten started. They worked together in the business for about a decade. ” Henry goes on, “But then, the student grew past the teacher, and it was time for a launch.

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 63). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) And that is a good thing, isn’t it? Henry says, “It is one of the most fundamental character strengths in the human repertoire. Life and success depend on it, in every area, from performance success to relationship success to even our physical health and well-being. Especially with winners and high performers, quitting is never an option. “But there is a toxic version of not quitting. It happens when the label of ‘quitting’ in the big sense is equated with stopping a particular goal or endeavor. In other words, if you quit any one thing, you are a quitter instead of being wise. For example, the map says that ending a particular business strategy means you are a quitter. Or giving up on a relationship means being a quitter. ‘If you shut down this project, or quit trying with this individual person, y

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 61). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) And is this a problem? Henry says, “‘So what is my problem?’ asked Dennis, a CEO in tech. ‘Do I just have an abnormally high threshold for pain? Do I just by nature put up with too much?’ “‘Glad you asked,’ I said. “The answer is yes, and the bad news is that your board of directors and your P&L don’t. So, we have got to get to work on it so you begin to feel the heartburn as deeply as they do.’ Henry goes on, “Dennis was exactly right. He had learned to put up with a lot of misery and was almost numb to it. He knew there were problems, and he was working on them, but if he had not gotten so used to putting up with people’s problems, he would have acted much sooner. He had some internal software that said to him, just like what some parents say to kids when they hurt themselves: ‘Oh, stop

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 58). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) And that is a very good thing. Henry says, “Your brain exercises something psychologists call conflict-free aggression. (Not bad aggression, as we normally cast it, like violence), conflict-free aggression is energy that is free to take action, not hampered, so you can function. If you have ever been depressed or anxious while you tried to concentrate or reach a goal, you know what it is like when this ability is missing or unavailable to you. “If aggression, initiative, or energy is without conflict, it is free to move you to perform functions like these: •       To sense what is really going on around you; •       To think logically; •       To think abstractly; •       To exercise good judgment; •       To concentrate; •       To see dangers realistically; •       To see reality;

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 55). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Henry was writing this book after 9/11 and the impact it had on people and the economy.  Something good to look at with what we are going through now. Henry says, “First of all, those who were not stuck had a different map of the world. Some did not assume that ‘there are no buyers right now.’ They thought instead that in the chaos, there were many, many potential customers who needed to be shepherded through the challenging environment and were being ignored. So they got even busier and contacted them. This was true in several industries that I observed, even the ‘deadest’ ones, like real estate. “Second, their focus was different. They did not spend their time and energy focusing on all of the things that were falling apart that they could do nothing about. Instead, they thought hard and fast abou

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 53). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) That is reality, isn’t it? Henry says, “Sometimes. . . creating an ending might cause a little hurt, like pulling a tooth. But it is good pain. It gives life to you or to your business. Similarly, the rosebush snaps back when it gets pruned. This book is about taking bold steps to embrace that kind of pain. “But there is another kind of pain, one that should not be embraced , one that you want to do everything in your power to end. The pain I am referring to here is misery that goes nowhere. That is not normal, and when it happens, it is time to wake up. It is time to realize that anytime pain is going nowhere fast, a few things must be occurring. “First, you might have become acclimated to the misery in some way. You have gotten so used to it that you no longer feel it as pain but view it as

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 43). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Your perspective and understanding are the keys. Henry says, “That lesson learned helps boards move founders into other roles and bring in seasoned management. They do not have to approach it as if the founder is failing. It helps CEOs make tough decisions also, knowing that they are aligning their business with the natural order that they see unfolding before them. It makes letting go of a long love affair with a product line or a brand possible. ” He goes on, “Blair implicitly believed in life cycles and seasons, and he saw that the long harvest that he had enjoyed for so many years was about to end. It was time to shut down and get out while the assets and revenues that were left still had some value. But more than capturing value from what was left, the real task was to get to a field that had s

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 40). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) We need to accept this and expect it. Henry says, “Nothing lasts forever. Even the ceremonial liturgy of marriage, a lifelong commitment, acknowledges an end on its first day, ‘till death do us part.’ Life cycles and seasons are built into the nature of everything. When we accept that as a fundamental truth, we can align our actions with our feelings, our beliefs with our behaviors, to accept how things are, even when they die.” “He says, “Each season also has its own set of activities. Spring is about sowing and beginnings. Where there is nothing but a waiting field, the farmer sows seeds in the expectation that they will take root and produce a harvest. “The tasks of spring include: •       Cleaning out what is left over from the winter’s dying plants; •       Gathering seeds; •       F

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 38). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Making endings a normal part of business and life is so very important. Henry says, “Then and only then can you align yourself well with endings when they come. It has to do with your brain and how it works.” He continues, “If a situation falls within the range of normal, expected, and known, the human brain automatically marshals all available resources and moves to engage it. But if the brain interprets the situation as negative, dangerous, wrong, or unknown, a fight-or-flight response kicks in that moves us away from the issue or begins to resist it. Execution stops or automatically goes in the other direction. Put into the context of endings, if you see them as normal, expected, and even a good thing , you will embrace them and take action to execute them. You will see them as a painful gift. Bu

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 31). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Here is a practical, personal application of this thought. Henry says, “If people could learn to say things like, ‘We only have a little time, let’s stay away from certain issues and focus on what we can do something about,’ or ‘Let’s use our time in a good way,’ the resources of time and energy would be better spent.” He goes on, “In the personal realm, I have also taught this method to couples, and they see immediate changes. One couple reported back that they changed their weekly ‘date night’ as a result: “We used to take the time to have a date night every week, get a babysitter to spend time together apart from the kids. But, we would go out and end up talking about the kids, running the house, and all the things that we were trying to get away from. We lost the benefit of date night and we

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 23). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) And it never should be. Henry says, “Here is a recent example I encountered in a coaching session with Ellen, a high-level executive in a multibillion-dollar company. She had recently earned a significant promotion that moved her from the ranks of management into a senior leadership position. As a result, she was now responsible for creating the organizational strategy she had previously just implemented. Ellen knew she faced some challenges in making the transition. ” Here is some of the conversation, “. . . she said. ‘For my entire career, I have had a practice. . . I always think about the people I manage and see them in their cars driving home from work. I picture the kind of mood they are in and want them to be up and enthusiastic about their day at the company, and I work hard to make those r

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 18). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) We don’t need to do any pruning in our lives if we accept our endeavors as being average. But do we want to be average?  By the way, what does it mean to be average? Henry says, “And here is the key point: by average, I don’t mean on an absolute basis. There is nothing wrong with being in the middle of the bell curve in many aspects of life, as that may be what success is for that person or at least that dimension of life. I have friends who own small businesses of less than average size in their industry or by other measurements, yet they have a fully maximized, thriving enterprise for what it is and is supposed to be. Hundreds of employees and tens of millions of dollars is a great rose of a business and a life for what their talents, dreams, and opportunities consist of. Not the size of Microsoft pe

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 15). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Henry in this book is dealing with necessary endings. He says, “The gardener intentionally and purposefully cuts off branches and buds that fall into any of three categories: 1. Healthy buds or branches that are not the best ones, 2. Sick branches that are not going to get well, and 3. Dead branches that are taking up space needed for the healthy ones to thrive.” He starts with, “ Necessary Ending Type 1.   Rosebushes and other plants produce more buds than the plant can sustain. The plant has enough life and resources to feed and nurture only so many buds to their full potential; it can’t bring all of them to full bloom. In order for the bush to thrive, a certain number of buds have to go. The caretaker constantly examines the bush to see which buds are worthy of the plant’s limited fuel and suppo