A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again (p. 55). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
This is so important to see!
Henry says, “Consequences are about giving the person the freedom to choose what they will choose, and then our choosing what our response will be in light of their choice. . . Setting consequences in place gives the person a clear choice and sets them free to make it; and then our job is to accept the consequence. We let them know that they can choose a or b. If they choose a, then certain things will happen; and if they choose b, other things will happen. That is clarity and freedom.
“This mind-set does so many good things. It helps you get clear about what you want. It forces you to communicate what you want directly. It keeps you from being judgmental, nagging, controlling, or cajoling—all of which bring about bad feelings in the relationship. And most of all, it preserves the freedom of the other person to make his own choice, something he has had all along, is clearly exercising anyway, and that you are not honoring.”
He goes on, “This theme runs throughout the Bible. God says it over and over. Consider the words of Joshua: ‘But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD. —Joshua 24:15, NIV’
“In the scripture above, Joshua clearly states what he wants to do and the choice that the others are free to make. He preserves their freedom of choice.”
Heny later says, “When you realize that you cannot force someone into doing something, you give him or her freedom and allow them to experience it. In doing so, you find your own freedom as well.
He also says, “. . . it doesn’t mean that Joshua was silent about the importance of following and serving God. Silence or passivity to influence others is not anywhere in the Bible—nor in the research about successful relationships. To the contrary, we are to be very active in trying to influence, while at the same time knowing that we cannot control. Ultimately, we have to recognize that others are free.
“As vernacular wisdom says: You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.
“How happy the people are who avoid frustration by not trying to get a horse to drink water when it has no thirst or doesn’t like water. Show people the water. Show them how cool and refreshing it is. When they are dehydrated, tell them that water would help them. Tell them how much you would enjoy drinking water together. Show them what it has done for you. Burp loudly. But realize that you can’t make them drink. That is something they will do only when and if they want to. Remember. . . they are free to choose.”
He then says, “‘Never go back’ to thinking you can force someone into anything. Repent from trying to control others. You will be glad you did.”
That means you don’t have to be upset with those who don’t want to protect themselves from the coronavirus. They will suffer whatever consequences there will be. You just make sure that do what you need to do and protect those whom you are responsible for. Okay?
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