Just Continue That Thought...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again (p. 83). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Now, what does that mean? Henry says, “I learned that ‘lazy’ does not mean ‘couch potato’ or ‘inactive’ at all. In fact, some of the ‘laziest’ people are very, very active.” He goes on, “I began to do some research into the meaning of the word ‘sluggard’ as it is used in the Bible. I saw that it is closely tied to the word ‘indolent’ and other meanings that basically refer to people who want a life that is devoid of ‘pain.’ So you can be lazy, or a sluggard as the Bible puts it, and still be very active. But in all of your energy and activity, you will still be lazy about doing anything uncomfortable or that involves pain. So I began to understand something: The true definition of ‘sluggard’ is someone who avoids pain. ” He continues, “Here is the truth: Once successful people...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again (p. 67). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) We need to really learn that, don’t we? Henry says, “Successful people realize that just because someone is unhappy with them does not require that they give up their purpose, fold their cards, or change. They realize that making some people unhappy is just part of the deal—and they keep going. I once heard Tony Blair say that when you realize that every decision divides, it really helps. It is just part of life. When you turn to the right, there will be some who want you to go to the left, and vice versa. It is the nature of making choices. When we accept that every decision divides, we quit trying to do the impossible, i.e., pleasing everyone, and we begin making the right choices, knowing that our choices will divide.” Henry goes on, “Happy people do not compare themselves to ot...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again (p. 64). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) And that is true, isn’t it? Henry says, “It matters to anyone who has a heart. Only the most emotionally and relationally cut off people have zero interest in whether others like them or feel positively toward them. We all have a human need to be loved by others, and we all enjoy positive appraisals. Our entire beings are wired that way from infancy on. Smile at a baby, and you will get a different response than if you frown at him. But that does not mean that everyone who frowns at you for the rest of your life should all of a sudden become your master.” He goes on, “Successful people eventually go through a doorway that is essential to making their personal lives, as well as their professional lives, work: they realize that they do not have to please everyone or have everyone lik...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again (p. 55). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) This is so important to see! Henry says, “Consequences are about giving the person the freedom to choose what they will choose, and then our choosing what our response will be in light of their choice. . . Setting consequences in place gives the person a clear choice and sets them free to make it; and then our job is to accept the consequence. We let them know that they can choose a or b. If they choose a, then certain things will happen; and if they choose b, other things will happen. That is clarity and freedom. “This mind-set does so many good things. It helps you get clear about what you want. It forces you to communicate what you want directly. It keeps you from being judgmental, nagging, controlling, or cajoling—all of which bring about bad feelings in the relationship. And m...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again (p. 51). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) And we really need to see and understand that in our relationships.  Henry says, “Once we understand this, we never go back to thinking we can. We get in touch with the way God has designed the universe. People are not robots; they are free to choose what they want and what they will do and what they won’t do. “When we realize that, we stop trying to do what will never work, which is trying to change people into something they do not want to be or convince them to do something they do not want to do. It never works. While we can influence them, ultimately we cannot change them.” He goes on, “Consider relationships that you may have with these types of people: ·       A critical person who withholds approval ·       An a...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again ( p. 31). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) That is so true. Henry says, “Trying to be someone else simply will not work longer than a little while. The real you will come out in various ways, fighting on the outside—actively or passively—or dragging you down from within. Personhood—as God has designed it—is something to be fed, nurtured, matured, grown, and expressed. If it isn’t, it ends up expressing itself in negative ways.” He goes on, “I am not saying that we should never do things that are ‘not me.’ Sometimes that’s actually the responsible thing to do. Like taking a job that is not who you are in order to support your family or to pay for an education or an illness. But notice something about that. Even though you may have to do something that is not fully ‘you,’ you do it for a reason that truly is you : the love o...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again ( p. 22). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) He made us that way. Henry says, “As time moves forward we grow, develop, and transform into newer, more complete and mature lives. Unless . . . we are stuck. And there is no better way to remain stuck than to repeat what has already been. The last thing you want to do is relive the past all over again. Tomorrow should be new and improved—always! “When a person comes to this realization, it’s usually because he has made the same mistake twice or more. He has gone back to some situation or person that he had left behind, thinking and hoping it would be  ‘ different this time. ’  But he found, instead, that the old situation simply repeated itself. At some point in the journey, he realizes, ‘I was here before and I left. Why did I come back to do it again? Ho...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again ( p. 18). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Change and maturity are so important for all of us! Henry says, “I see this often in family businesses where an adult child leaves the family business either because of conflict with the parent-boss or a drive to ‘make it on his own’ or because he has simply not grown up in some way. So things don’t work out, and he leaves. “Time passes, the adult child works in other places, experiences failures and successes, or gets the ‘need to be on my own’ out of his system. He has grown up, feels less like a child under the parent’s control, or whatever. He comes back into the business and is very successful, fulfilled, and happy. But the important thing to note is that the child has truly changed and matured.  “If you are that adult child, be honest in examining your reasons for...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again ( p. 16). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) We many times believe that being sorry is the key to going back to a broken relationship or a job. But Henry says, “ Something has to be different. There must be fruit, results, or a real change in life or the situation that gives reason to believe that something will be different this time. So here is the main concept: If you ‘go back,’ make sure you are going forward. “That way you are not going back just to repeat what has already been. You are truly moving forward because something tangible is different. Someone being ‘sorry’ (ourselves included) is not enough; just missing the good parts of what was is not reason enough to return; going back to assuage the pain—temporarily, mind you—is not enough. Life is meant to be forward moving, not backward. Make sure that if you ‘go ba...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again ( p. 14). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) But we need to go forward. Henry says, “Laura had been in this relationship for about four years. Her biggest complaint was that Jason took her for granted and did not make her a priority. He was a nice guy, but too self-centered to make a relationship work. Over and over again, he would leave her feeling ignored and unimportant. She had broken up with him several times, missed him, reunited, and nothing had changed. She would break up with him again and then a few months later would run into him and, with the pain gone, begin to enjoy all the good things about him and want to try again. “They would both talk about how they had been foolish to break up with so much good in their relationship, how they really loved each other, and how they truly should be together. ‘I was wrong to ...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again (p. 6). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Now to some, repentance is not a very positive term, but it can be. Henry says, “People think of ‘repentance’ as having to do with a parent, preacher, nun, or teacher scolding them and saying, ‘Don’t ever do that again!’ It is a religious term with a lot of cultural baggage. It feels like a parent or authority figure telling you to stop doing something, and then you feel like you just have to do it. That is a problem. “The reason is this: whenever we get our backs up at a message that says we should not do something again, it shows that we are out of touch with life’s realities. Picture a parent telling a toddler to ‘repent’ from running into the busy street. The toddler just looks at the parent as if the message or the messenger is the problem , sets his face in determination, an...