A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again (p. 14). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
But we need to go forward.
Henry says, “Laura had been in this relationship for about four years. Her biggest complaint was that Jason took her for granted and did not make her a priority. He was a nice guy, but too self-centered to make a relationship work. Over and over again, he would leave her feeling ignored and unimportant. She had broken up with him several times, missed him, reunited, and nothing had changed. She would break up with him again and then a few months later would run into him and, with the pain gone, begin to enjoy all the good things about him and want to try again.
“They would both talk about how they had been foolish to break up with so much good in their relationship, how they really loved each other, and how they truly should be together. ‘I was wrong to leave. I miss you and want to be with you again, would be their mutual feeling. So they would get back together and do it again.”
Henry goes on, “So what’s wrong with that? Everything. But please understand something: I am not saying that people should not be allowed to have second, third, or fourth chances. The story of redemption is the greatest story ever told. It’s natural and sometimes good, to try again. When things go bad, especially in relationships, we want to find a way to make them work and to restore love. When business deals go bad, we want to be able to fix them and make them work. When we fail at a dream or career, we want to be able to come back and win. The story of every successful life includes failure, misses, and obstacles that are overcome. Redemption and restoration are good things and God’s true desire for us all.
“But here is the real truth when it comes to redemption versus going backward: if redemption is to occur, something must be different. A second chance is not a repeat of the first chance. A second chance is a moving forward to something new. There must be something new and different in order to move forward rather than backward. If everything’s the same, you are repeating what already has been, and there is no reason to think the outcome will be different.”
He then says, “As I said in my book Necessary Endings, hope without realistic reasons to believe is not hope at all. It is only a ‘wish.’ God gives us a solid way to tell the difference between a hope and a wish. It is called ‘fruit.’ When a tree gets healthy, you can see the blossoms and the fruit that proves it has life in it. When a person or a situation has truly changed and is worthy of our investment, we will be able to see tangible reasons to believe.”
So, let's look for fruit, for evidence, okay?
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