A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 23).
HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
And it never should be.
Henry says, “Here is a recent example I encountered in a coaching session with Ellen, a high-level executive in a multibillion-dollar company. She had recently earned a significant promotion that moved her from the ranks of management into a senior leadership position. As a result, she was now responsible for creating the organizational strategy she had previously just implemented. Ellen knew she faced some challenges in making the transition.
Here is some of the conversation, “. . . she said. ‘For my entire career, I have had a practice. . . I always think about the people I manage and see them in their cars driving home from work. I picture the kind of mood they are in and want them to be up and enthusiastic about their day at the company, and I work hard to make those rides home as positive as I can. But if I do what is needed, there are going to be some very negative rides home. I hit a wall when I think about it. It’s like it makes me go in two different directions inside,’ she explained.
“‘Sounds like you think that ‘“negative”’ is bad,’ I reflected. ‘Well, of course, it is. I would not want them having that kind of day,’ she said.
“‘Have you ever had an infected tooth pulled?’ I asked. ‘Sure.’ ‘Did you have a nice ride home?’ I asked. (Laughing) ‘No, it was awful.’ ‘Well, that was negative. . . or was it?’ I asked. ‘If you define negative as feeling crummy, I agree it was. But if you define negative as ‘“harmful,”’ I would not call it negative but positive. It was not harmful at all for the dentist to inflict that pain. In fact, it was a very positive event, right? A healing event?’ I asked. ‘Yes, sure it was,’ she said.
“‘There is a big difference between hurt and harm,’ I said. ‘We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt.’”
“I could see by Ellen’s expression that the implications of what I was saying were starting to sink in. ‘As a leader, you have got to redefine what positive and negative is. Positive is doing what is best and right for the business and for the people. And nearly always, letting someone know that they are not right for a position is one of the biggest favors that you can do for them. There are only three possible results of doing that, and two of them are good. The other is good also, in that if it happens, you for sure had the wrong kind of person in the job. . .’
He later told her, “‘It is sad but true that some people just cannot face the truth when it causes them discomfort, but that cannot be a reason that guides your decisions. So in that case, you are lucky to find it out and be done with that person’s lack of performance, but moreover, done with their entrenched attitude about feedback,’ I said. ‘And remember, the big result of all of this is that you have moved the company and yourself toward the vision becoming a reality. That is your big responsibility.’
“‘Wow,’ she said. ‘I have never thought that causing hurt for someone could be a positive thing. That could make it a lot easier to execute.’”
Henry says, “Certainly, as we went on to discuss, the goal is not to cause pain for people. But sometimes reality does just that. Reality sometimes makes us face things that hurt, and that can be a very good thing. For her, this conversation was a paradigm shifter that was going to enable her to do some ‘conflict-free’ pruning. . .”
This is such an important perspective in dealing with pruning in life and in business, isn't it?
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