Just Continue That Thought...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal ( p. 131). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) I’m sure we understand our limits in some areas but maybe not all of them.” Henry says, “God has designed us in his image with one exception: he is infinite, and we are finite. This truth has serious implications for our idea of boundaries. “We all possess a finite amount of ability, time, money, energy, and so on. The amounts are not static, however. We may get more or less as time goes on, but it is still true that, at any given moment, we have fixed amounts. Our salary limits what we can spend. Our energy level limits how many projects we can take on.” He goes on, “Many people don’t take responsibility for their limits and overextend themselves. It takes time to learn our limits in the various areas of life, but they can be learned if we are aware of our feelings, attitudes, and behaviors. If we are fee...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal ( p. 128). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) For some, making choices is very difficult but it is so important. Henry says, “ But our choices are not true choices unless we are aware of all the aspects of our identity that go into them—our feelings, attitudes, behaviors, wants, and thoughts. To own and make our own choices, we must be aware of all the aspects of ourselves that go into any decision. In addition, we must be aware that we are making a choice about almost everything we do.” He goes on, “Choices have two directions: yes and no. We can choose to do something, or we can choose to not do it. We can choose to give to someone, or we can choose to not give. In either case, we are responsible for the consequences. This is the essence of having a sense of limits and the cornerstone of love. “Many people give out of obligation and compulsion, whi...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal ( p. 126). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Now that is an interesting thought. Henry says, “He has given many desires to us; others we have chosen. Both can be good. But some of our wants and desires are not good. In either case, we must begin to own them to straighten out what is good and bad, as well as to choose between the good and the better.” He goes on, “When we do not acknowledge our desires, we cut ourselves off from who we are, and we limit our future satisfaction, our future service to God and others, our motivation, and our sanctification. God uses our desires to fulfill his purposes, as well as to satisfy himself as a giver. Think of how frustrating it must be for the biggest giver in the universe to not be able to give to one of his children because they do not realize that they desire what he has to give. God would get stuck with his gift...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal ( p. 124). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) And we don’t want to be frustrated, do we? Henry says, “God has given each of us certain talents and abilities, and he holds us responsible for developing them. Many times, people do not explore their own talents. They accept others’ definitions of them, without seeing if these definitions fit. Sometimes they will deny their own gifts and live vicariously through the gifts of others. He continues, “I remember one extremely artistic and creative teenager whose parents, both physicians, decided that he would continue the medical tradition. He tried to fight this label to little avail; he could not perceive his talents apart from his parents’ wishes for him. He tried to be a doctor, but his medical school education was fraught with difficulty because he did not have the talent. He finally finished school but was ...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal ( p. 122). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) So true. Henry says, “God calls us to active thinking and questioning. As Paul says to the Corinthians: ‘We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ’ (2 Cor. 10:5). When we take every thought captive, we take responsibility for it and evaluate it. We are not repressing or denying thoughts. We are owning them. We are taking inventory of them and weighing them. We need to see what they say about the status of our minds and our hearts and develop them in the same way that we develop any other aspect of ourselves. They lie within our boundaries and we must own them. ” He goes on, “Challenging distorted thinking is a way of owning or taking responsibility for our thoughts. If I think, for example, that y...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal ( p. 120). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) But I have places where I want to go.  Don’t you? Henry says, “God takes responsibility for what he does. He requires us to take responsibility for what we do. If we disown responsibility for our behavior, we are out of control, or powerless. We cannot go where we want to go in life if we do not own both what we do and what we don’t do. He goes on, “People out of touch with this truth feel powerless because they have no faith in the basic law of cause and effect. This law is also called the law of reaping and sowing, which governs the entire universe. God has set up an ordered universe: if we behave in a certain way, certain things will happen. It is the basis for our security, for it gives us control of ourselves and our life. Irresponsible people hate this law and suffer greatly. Responsible people thriv...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal ( p. 110). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Now, this is an important issue when it comes to relationships. Henry says, “In a psychological sense, boundaries are the realization of our own person apart from others. This sense of separateness forms the basis of personal identity. It says what we are and what we are not, what we will choose and what we will not choose, what we will endure and what we will not, what we feel and what we will not feel, what we like and what we do not like, and what we want and what we do not want. Boundaries, in short, define us. In the same way that a physical boundary defines where a property line begins and ends, a psychological and spiritual boundary defines who we are and who we are not.” He goes on, “Stephen encountered many problems because of his lack of boundaries. He could not choose what he wanted to do apart from ...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal ( p. 100). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) It really does.  It really does! Henry says, “Here are some skills that will start you on the long road to making changes that heal. “ Realize the need.  You may not realize that your problems stem from a lack of bonding and attachment. Perhaps you grew up in a family where closeness was not valued or were injured to the point where you have forgotten how to bond. Thus, the first thing you need to do is to realize how much you need attachment... “ Move Toward Others .  It is wonderful when others move toward you and seek out your heart, for that is what God does. Often, though, others cannot see what you need and how emotionally isolated you really are. Therefore, to the best of your ability, actively reach out for help and support. Earlier, we saw how alien this idea was to Justin. He could ...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal ( p. 84). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) If we have been it can make a major difference. Henry says, “We begin to perceive the world as a trustworthy place. In developmental terms, this is called ‘basic trust.’ “But if our needs are not met if we are neglected, abandoned, beaten, abused, criticized, hated, or resented for existing, then our very ability to trust and be vulnerable is injured. And our ability to bond is based on our ability to be vulnerable and needy. We are in trouble if this ability is damaged. It is our key to life.” He goes on, “If, on the one hand, we find the world trustworthy, we learn that being vulnerable is a wonderful thing because it gets us lots of goodies, like love. When this happens, we get more and more because we trust and depend more and more. The rich get richer; loving people find more love. “If, on the oth...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal ( p. 77). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) And so many people think they are bad. Henry says, “An alone self seems to be an unloved self, and that translates to a ‘bad self.’ “Lonely people feel bad, or guilty because they feel unloved. Their legalistic brain translates this feeling into something like this: I feel lonely; therefore, I am not loved. If I am not loved, it must be because I am unlovable. I am bad, or someone would love me.” He goes on, “We derive our self-worth to a large extent from other people. The baby who feels ‘good’ is the baby who is fed, dry, and held; the baby who feels ‘bad’ is the baby who goes hungry, wet, and uncomforted. These feelings are internalized into a description of the self. We all retain images in our emotional brain of this very early, bodily way of thinking. When we’re feeling ‘crummy,’ as we do when we’re l...

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal ( p. 74). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) See, your pain can be a good thing. Henry says, “ ‘ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,’ said Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount, ‘for they will be filled’ (Matt. 5:6). If our lives were perfect, we wouldn’t seek after God. If we didn’t feel hungry, we wouldn’t eat, and we might all starve to death.” He goes on, “If isolation continues too long without relief, the protesting person moves into the second stage of d epression and despair . The hope that needs will be met begins to wilt, like a plant without water. Depressed people look hopeless: their eyes don’t sparkle, their shoulders slump, their faces are drawn and tired. They long for something they are not getting. “In reality, this is still a good stage, because depressed people are at least in touch with what they want; they jus...