A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Never Go Back: 10 Things You’ll Never Do Again (p. 64). Howard Books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
And that is true, isn’t it?
Henry says, “It matters to anyone who has a heart. Only the most emotionally and relationally cut off people have zero interest in whether others like them or feel positively toward them. We all have a human need to be loved by others, and we all enjoy positive appraisals. Our entire beings are wired that way from infancy on. Smile at a baby, and you will get a different response than if you frown at him. But that does not mean that everyone who frowns at you for the rest of your life should all of a sudden become your master.”
He goes on, “Successful people eventually go through a doorway that is essential to making their personal lives, as well as their professional lives, work: they realize that they do not have to please everyone or have everyone like them. In fact, part of what fuels that realization is the bigger realization that not only do we not have to please everyone, we can’t—even if we wanted to. It is impossible.
“The reality is that everyone likes something different, has different agendas, tastes, interests, beliefs, and experiences. It is literally impossible to make everyone happy, even within your closest circle of friends. You are going to like and choose some things that some people won’t like or choose. That is reality. Basically, the only way to avoid upsetting anyone is to believe, say, or do nothing at all. Not a good option. Once you realize that, and really, really get it, something happens.”
“You give up what is impossible and begin to focus on what is good.”
He continues, “Once you get that it truly is impossible to please everyone, you begin to live purposefully. You begin to play offense. You start spending your time and energy on things that bring meaningful results, rather than on the impossible goal of making everyone else happy. Spending energy to get results is ‘playing offense.’ A nice thing about playing offense is that your fruitfulness will actually please people who allow you to be you, provided you are pursuing truly good and fruitful things. The ones who want you to be or do something other than what you are cut out for won’t always be pleased—but when we understand our end goal, to do good, this matters a little less.
“And once you begin to play offense, you’ll discover the difference between playing offense and being offensive or offended. Some will take offense at your not doing what they like or want; but that’s the time you need to stand firm, knowing that you can’t please everyone. As we used to say on the golf course, ‘Every shot makes somebody happy.’”
So, let’s play offense and not be offended. That’s a great way to look at it, isn’t it?
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