Just Continue That Thought...

A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 67). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.)  And that is another good question in determining the way we react. Chad says, "What circumstances or factors turn you toward the 'dark side'? Think back on times when your emotions have gotten the best of you and take note of any patterns. Leading yourself starts with knowing yourself, and part of knowing yourself is understanding the external factors that could be affecting you internally. Some factors might be specific to you and your situation, but many are probably the same things that tend to affect all of us negatively. What are some of these factors? "To start with, unmet or urgent physical needs can trigger emotional instability. These include tiredness, hunger, hormones, stress, illness, and chronic pain, to name a few. For example, if you skipped breakfast, ate only a bag of chips for lunch

A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 66). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) That is very good productive question to ask yourself. Chad says, "Your go-to dysfunction is the negative and perhaps even destructive behavior that indicates your emotional state is not where it should be. Everyone has one—or more—of these dysfunctions, but not everyone admits it. If you’re not sure what yours is, just ask your spouse, your friends, or the people you work with every day, and they can probably tell you! How do you start to break down under pressure? What sort of destructive behavior are you prone to? Put another way, when you lose it, what does it look like? Those might sound like depressing questions, but identifying your tendencies under pressure is actually a positive, wise, and proactive step toward keeping your emotional ups and downs from hurting people." He goes on, "There’s a reas

A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 64). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) They are to be identified, controlled and used. Chad says, "You’re not a robot. You are a human leading other humans, and emotions are intertwined in everything humans say and do. Trying to divorce yourself of all feelings would be both damaging and boring. Instead, put your energy into identifying your emotions and then leading your emotions." He goes on, "Leaders who can’t control their emotions are, in a sense, emotionally immature. They might be organizational giants, but they are emotional toddlers. One of the defining characteristics of toddlers is extreme emotions: they can go from hysterical laughter to maniacal rage to angelic slumber in a matter of moments. That’s understandable in children. But when an adult manifests the emotional instability of a child, something is wrong, and someone is g

A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 60). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) Yes, we are, we are unique. Chad says, "That uniqueness needs to be celebrated and even enhanced. The goal isn’t to fit in, because to fit in you’d have to be like everyone else. The goal is to be you. So, rather than spending inordinate amounts of time and energy trying to strengthen your weaknesses, lean into the things you’re naturally good at or the areas in which you have greatest potential for growth. Don’t ignore all your weaknesses, especially if they are hurting you or those around you in some way, but focus most of your efforts on excelling in your areas of strength." He continues, "It’s okay not to be good at everything. To use yet another sports analogy, most top athletes master only one sport—and often only one position or category within that sport. They might be skilled at other sports and

A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 60). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) So, why is that? Chad says, "Because insecurity typically tries to pull other people down in a misguided effort to feel better about itself, every time you choose to lift people up , you are taking a stand against insecurity in your own mind and heart. You are reminding yourself that you don’t need to be better than anyone in order to be valuable; that your worth is not based on your accomplishments; that someone else’s success doesn’t lower your value." He goes on, "Celebrating others also reminds you that other people are not really the competition. Granted, in certain business or athletic scenarios, other people are the competition, but I’m not talking about that—I’m talking about the underlying fear or belief that someone else’s success somehow diminishes mine. Success is not a finite quantity that m

  A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 58). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) This is so true. Chad says, "Security in who you are makes you followable. People love to be around leaders who are comfortable in their own skin, because that attitude releases them to be themselves as well. Keep in mind that confidence comes from security, not the other way around. First you become secure on the inside, then you exude confidence on the outside: confidence in words, confidence in decisions, confidence in social settings, confidence in your calling. Every form of confidence starts with knowing who you are (identity) and valuing who you are (security)." He continues, "Insecure people sabotage their leadership without even realizing it. They constantly wonder if someone else is more skilled than them or more popular than them. They feel intimidated by the success of their team members, wh

A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 54). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) Now every leader could agree with that if they were honest.  Chad says, "Every leader feels dumb at times, but what you do with that feeling has the potential to make or break your leadership. Once in a while (maybe frequently), you will feel awkward, like a misfit, like you don’t measure up to expectations. That is okay. It’s actually a gift, if you know how to handle it correctly. Can you imagine how much healthier, how much more fun and relaxed, and how much more empowering leadership would be if we could all learn to enjoy the feeling of not being the smartest person in the room, rather than feeling threatened by it?" He goes on, "I’m not saying you don’t have to grow or change, either, but you are who you are. You can’t completely change that, and you shouldn’t try. Rather, you should lean in to the

A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 51). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) It does a lot of things but adding worth to you isn't one of them. Chad says, "Believing you have nothing to prove stems from the assurance that whether you succeed or fail, your value as a person remains unchanged. This goes back to understanding the source of your worth, which is your identity as a person, independent of anything else. Your work might be incredible, or it might be terrible, but neither would change your value. Therefore, you don’t have to prove your worth to anyone. You should do your work as well as you can, of course, for multiple and obvious reasons. But your work is not a verdict about your worth." But he goes on, "You have something to offer, and you add value wherever you go. Maybe you don’t hear a lot of gratitude from those you are helping, but that doesn’t change the fact t

A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 50). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) This is another important belief you can use to counter the self-defeating self-talk, and it is worth repeating to yourself regularly. Chad says, "I once heard someone say, 'I’ve decided to believe that everyone likes me unless they tell me otherwise.' I think that’s a wise philosophy. It’s so easy to take every sideways comment or joke as proof that yet another person is against you. Remember the old nursery rhyme, 'Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll eat some worms'? Don’t adopt that as a leadership philosophy. Or a diet, for that matter. Even mean people are rarely trying to be your enemy: actually, they probably don’t think about you that much. If you can give them and others the benefit of the doubt, they may eventually become your friends." To say it a little differently, I li

  A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 50). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) It really is. Chad says, "When I wrote my book Unreasonable Hope , my agent gave me some wise advice. She said I would see many online reviews, and most would be positive. But, she cautioned, a few would be negative, and those would be the ones that would stick with me. 'Don’t let a few critics discourage you,' she said. 'Remember, there are more people for the book than against it.' Her warning helped me keep my emotions and thoughts in check over the next few months, because it is human nature to fixate on the negative over the positive—even when the feedback we receive is primarily positive. As a leader, remind yourself that more people are for you than against you. More people are on your side, more people want you to succeed, more people believe in you and trust you. Don’t let a few critics a

  A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 47). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) Having confidence is so very important in life. Chad says, "As a parent, I try to build my son’s confidence whenever I can. Every day when I drop him off at preschool, I tell him three things I love about him, and they are nearly always identity things: 'I love how confident you are. I love that you are kind to people. I love your sense of humor.' He always gets a cute little smirk on his face when I begin, but I can tell he loves it. Sometimes we’ll even talk for a few seconds about what those phrases mean and what they look like practically. I know that if he shows up to class confident, it will affect his entire day: how he does in class, how he relates to his friends, how he tackles new areas of learning, how he handles his mistakes, and how he stands up to potential bullying or criticism." He go

  A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 46). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) Yes you! Chad says, "You have influence. You have something to say, something to give, something to contribute. Your I ams need to be louder than your I am nots . I am wanted. I am valuable. I am here for a reason." He goes on, "I was fortunate enough to grow up in a home that instilled life-giving truths in me. I am forever grateful that my mother spoke words of affirmation to me throughout my youth. She said things like, 'Everyone wants to hear what you have to say. Every room you walk into is better because you are there.' It gave me such confidence, such an advantage in leadership, and it shaped my self-perception in positive ways." He continues, "Dr. Shad Helmstetter, author of the bestselling book What to Say When You Talk to Your Self , has done extensive research on the ro

  A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 43). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) So what is th difference? Chad says, "Along with 'shame resilience,' I’d like to suggest we add 'fame resilience' to our arsenal. Fame, which includes any form of widespread recognition and praise, can be just as damaging as shame. "That is the only way to stand strong against the condemnation and criticism, the flattery and celebrity, that come with leadership. Leading is not easy. But without a solid sense of identity and self-worth, it’s virtually impossible." He goes on, "Just to clarify, loving yourself is not the same as idealizing yourself or making yourself the center of the universe. The word for that kind of behavior is narcissism —and narcissism and leadership don’t play well together. There is a difference between self-worship and self-love." "When you love yo

A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 40). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) Have you found that to be true? Chad says, "Everyone has issues. No debate there. When it comes to leading fallible people, most leaders know that they have to show mercy and grace, give people space, believe the best about others, and focus on potential as well as problems. But how do we as leaders treat our own fallible selves? Do we show ourselves the same grace we extend to others? This is important because we can’t lead ourselves unless we love ourselves." He goes on, "If you’re anything like me, love and grace are probably not your first reactions when you come face-to-face with your failures or weaknesses. My first response is often shame. I feel embarrassed. I hope no one notices or gets hurt. On the one hand, it’s normal to feel embarrassed, but I also know that embarrassment can quickly escalat

A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 38). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) Is that really true? Chad says, "When it comes to leadership gifts, I like to use the word 'genius.' Genius isn’t some supernatural, magical, miraculous ability—it’s just an uncommon ability, a unique quality or aptitude for something. Someone who is a genius in a particular area is remarkably gifted in comparison to the average person. Albert Einstein was a physics genius. Bach was a musical genius. Kobe Bryant was a basketball genius." He continues, "The reason I like this word is because everyone is a genius if you just get to know them. Everyone has genius in their own way and in their own areas, and successful leadership requires tapping in to that genius—both your own and others'. You can call it gifting, skill, expertise, or calling, but at the end of the day, it’s simply a skill or qu

A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 33). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) Now that is important to know. Chad says, "But the traits least suited to your leadership are the ones you don’t have. Sometimes people hide behind what they think they are missing because it’s easier than using what they have. For example, they refuse to lead a committee because they aren’t good at speaking in front of groups, or they reject a new career opportunity because they don’t think they are smart enough to learn something new. But you can work with the traits you have. Are you an introvert? Then you’re in good company with creative innovators such as Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, and J.K. Rowling. Were you a poor student? So were John D. Rockefeller, Thomas Edison, and Walt Disney. Did you have a difficult childhood? So did Oprah, Charlize Theron, and Jim Carrey. Have you failed or been rejected multiple

  A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 28). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) I know it is a challenge in this pandemic we are in but we still need to do it because it is so important. Chad says, "No matter how introverted you are, you need people. No matter how successful you are, you still depend on people. People keep you grounded and sane. They remind you why you do what you do. They give you input and feedback that is usually unsolicited but actually helps a lot. They rein you in when you move too fast, encourage you when you move too slow, call you out when you start to get a little weird, and help you to be the best possible version of yourself." He goes on, "A while back, my wife, Julia, asked me what I would like to do for my upcoming birthday, maybe a big party, a family trip, or dinner out. Life had been very busy, and I found myself longing to simply be among friends

  A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 25). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) That is a good thing to know! Chad says, "They don’t have to work at it like the rest of us do, the myth says—they just coast along on their innate greatness. But that would be like saying LeBron James and Russell Wilson coast on their athletic ability, and nothing could be further from the truth: they work relentlessly and passionately on every aspect of their game. Sure, they have natural gifts and abilities, but they have also multiplied those gifts and abilities many times over through training and hard work. They invest in themselves, and their investment pays off. "The same could be said for every sport, skill, or profession in the world, including leadership. Some people are naturally gifted, but no one is naturally great. Everyone has to work at what they do. Everyone has to invest in themselves: in

  A thought by Chad Veach from his book,  I Work with People   (p. 18). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) I can see that. Chad says, "Even if your team includes a difficult person—or a bunch of them—the hardest person you will ever have to lead is yourself. If you can figure out how to lead you , you’ll be able to lead anyone regardless of their age, experience, or qualifications." He asks then answers, "What does it mean to lead yourself? First, leading yourself means developing self-control . Self-control is your ability to keep yourself—your emotions, thoughts, goals, and motives—in check and in balance. Are you going to lead from your mind or your emotions? Your will or your whims? Your calling or your comfort? Your spirit or your flesh? When you lead yourself, you become the protagonist rather than the victim of your own story: instead of letting life determine your feelings, thoughts, and reactions,

A thought by Chad Veach from his book, I Work with People   (p. 18). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) Ok, you've got my attention! Chad says, "Leadership always starts with you. Your influence does not begin with the number of people you lead, the size of your budget or salary, the political environment, the stock market, or any other person or circumstance. Your influence begins and ends with who you are and with how you lead. Those other things have their place, but they don’t determine your success. You—not your team or your goals or your mission statement—are the starting point for your leadership and your influence." He goes on, "I have heard some people say the opposite a few times—that leadership is not about the leader, that it has nothing to do with the leader, that the leader should actually be invisible, replaceable, or even anonymous. On the surface, this might sound noble and altruisti