“What happens below the surface determines what people see in our lives.”

A thought by Mike Bechtle from his book, Dealing with the Elephant in the Room: Moving from Tough Conversations to Healthy Communication (p. 44). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

We really do want people to like us, don’t we?

Mike says, “We want people to think highly of us, seeing us as people of high character and integrity. We want to be seen as people who really care.

“There are two ways to do that:

“1. We can do the things high-character, caring people do—hoping that people will think we actually have high character.

“2. We can work on our character underground and in the dark, where nobody sees. We can become people of true character on the inside. Over time, that character will begin to grow and flourish on the outside.”

Mike goes on, “We can’t fake character. If we’re unhealthy on the inside, it’ll begin to show on the outside over time. Plus, faking it is a lot of work. Real character is an inside job. If we develop it, people will see it on the outside.

 “Just as we study trees and plants to know if there’s something wrong, we do the same with people. At first glance, they seem happy and it looks like everything’s going well. We ask them how things are going, and they say, ‘Great. Couldn’t be better.’

“But if we look in their eyes, we sense that something isn’t right. Maybe the sparkle is missing, or we sense the slightest droop in their smile as we connect. It’s subtle and easily overlooked in passing. If we’re connecting through technology, it’s even tougher to get those subtle cues.

“If we take the time to be observant, we can sense whether someone’s basic needs are being met. If those needs are unmet, we can tell by what’s happening on the surface. If they are being met, we can see that as well.

“We seek out relationships to meet our basic needs. For some reason, our most foundational needs can’t be met in isolation. They’re met through human connections.”

And that is best met through people of character, not fakers.  That makes all the difference, doesn’t it?

Yes, yes!