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“From birth, we have an innate need for safety and security.”

A thought by Mike Bechtle from his book, Dealing with the Elephant in the Room: Moving from Tough Conversations to Healthy Communication (p. 47). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

That is the truth!

Mike says, “We want to know what we can count on so we have a secure anchor point for exploring the future. It’s like standing on a crowded bus or train. When it stops suddenly, people instinctively grab for a railing to hang on to. They trust that it won’t go anywhere.

He continues, “Let’s say I have a checking account and a savings account at my bank. Let’s also say that my checking account is low. There’s enough to pay the bills this month but nothing left over for frills or emergencies.

 “Then the refrigerator breaks. If I have ten dollars in my savings account, I’m going to be pretty stressed about the fridge. If I have one hundred thousand dollars in my savings account, I’m going to feel a lot better. My checking account balance hasn’t changed, but having that reserve in savings, even if I’m not planning to use it, gives me a different perspective. There’s a security beneath the surface that I can hang on to.”

He goes on, “Relationships thrive on security. If we know our boss is committed to helping us grow in our career path, we’re not as terrified when we make a major mistake. If we know our spouse is deeply committed to the relationship, we are free to have tough conversations without being intimidated or frightened of what will happen.

“One person might have a low need for security, so they’re excited about any possibility of change. If the other person has a high need for security, even a small change can be threatening. Put those two people into a relationship, and it can get pretty interesting.”

He then says, “The key is not to decide who’s right and who’s wrong. The key is to listen to the needs of the other person and try to understand their perspective. Only then can both people work creatively toward a solution that will meet both of their needs.”

That makes sense, doesn’t it?


Yes, yes!
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