A thought by Mike Bechtle from his book, Dealing with the Elephant in the Room: Moving from Tough Conversations to Healthy Communication (p. 34). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
But to make it work we really need to know what we are doing.
As Mike says, “If we don’t have the right tools, we’re limited in how far we can go.”
He later says, “Anyone, regardless of their age, can add new tools to their communication toolbox. The first step is to recognize which tools are missing. That can be done by seeing where the pain is in relationships that current tools won’t handle. Then the search begins to find the tools that will do the job.
“That means there’s hope. If we have the right tools, we can become effective in communication. It doesn’t mean every conversation will be perfect because we’re imperfect—and so are the people we communicate with. But with the right resources, we’ll be able to approach those tough conversations with a clear, sensible perspective. We won’t be intimidated by others because we won’t see them as the enemy. We’ll be able to focus on the issue while showing respect for the differing views of others.
“When our toolbox contains only talking tools, tough conversations will always be challenging. Those tools have their place but need to be used well. If we misuse them, they become weapons. When we add listening tools, those tough conversations look different. Listening tools might take a while to get used to because they’re unfamiliar, but they help us understand another person’s point of view. Both kinds of tools can be abused, so we need to learn which tool works in different situations and with different temperaments.
“A surgeon has a lot of tools at her disposal. Many of her tools utilize the most advanced technology. But she doesn’t use them all every time she approaches the operating table. She uses the exact tool that’s needed to perform a specific task.”
He goes on, “At the same time, the quality of the tool by itself doesn’t determine success; the skill of the surgeon is also important. The most skilled surgeon can’t perform surgery with only her bare hands; she needs tools. Tools, by themselves, are useless unless a skilled surgeon picks them up. In the hands of an amateur, those same tools can be dangerous.
“That’s the key to navigating tough conversations. We can obtain the tools we need, but we also must learn to use them effectively. If we don’t, we could cause a lot of pain in our relationships.”
I love to read. I am still wanting to learn, and reading is a good way to do that. If communication is a problem for you, this is a good book for you to read. Go to the top of the blog and click on the title and go to Amazon and buy the book. Your relationships are worth the time you put in to develop new tools. Do you want to get ahead in the world?
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