A thought by John Townsend from his book, Loving People (p.33). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
And we need to see this.
John says, “Anger is an emotion. Like all emotions, it serves as a signal to us, giving us information we need. Feelings are like the warning alerts on your computer screen. They pop up when your battery is down, when a virus is present, or when your hard drive is full. That way, you know it is time to do something. In the same way, the emotion of anger pops up to signal us that there is a problem to be solved. There is action to be taken about some matter. The angry feelings generate energy, awareness, and focus so that we can move quickly to fix whatever is going on.”
He goes on, “Just as computer alerts are neither good nor bad in themselves, anger is also morally neutral. What drives us to anger can be good or bad. For example, my sons now have the same shoe size as I do, so sometimes they will ask to borrow my dress shoes for some formal function, such as a banquet. The other day, I could not find my black dress shoes, and I searched for them frantically because I had to speak at an event. I got mad at my kids, thinking they had borrowed my shoes without checking with me. I figured that after I got home, I would sit them down and let them know how difficult they had made things for me. I had worked all this out in my mind. Then I found the shoes in my luggage because I had forgotten to unpack them from a trip. Now, instead of being bugged with my sons, I was bugged at myself for judging them. The direction changed. What is underneath and drives our anger is the important thing.”
He continues, “Sometimes we become angry because something good and valuable is in danger—such as a person we love, our hard-earned money, or our own feelings— and we want to take action to protect it. That is a good and helpful use of anger. If you are trying to be close to someone who continually attacks your opinion and feelings, it makes sense to get mad at the attack. You are having protective feelings toward the relationship and your emotions, and that is what the anger is telling you to do. This anger helps you to solve problems and take actions in your relationships.”
He then says, “But we also become angry because something we have no right to have in the first place is being taken from us. For example, our spouse has had a bad day and can’t listen to our day very attentively. Or our kids do not want to go to the movies when we want to, preferring to be with their friends that night. When we get angry because someone else has choices, our anger is self-centered and unhelpful. We need to let go of this anger and move on from it.”
This is so true, and we need to see it, don’t we?
Comments
Post a Comment