“So we have intentionality, a decision to love, followed by intensity.”

A thought by Ed Young, from his book, The Fear Virus: Vaccinating Yourself Against Life's Greatest Phobias (p.79). Creality Publishing. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

I need love, I really, really do!

Ed says, “An intentional decision to love God with all of your being comes first. And an intentional decision to love others as yourself comes second.”

He goes on, “The Bible never tells us to love ourselves. That is a given. I love myself. You love yourself too. But when I am asked to love my neighbor as myself, that is a tall order. You might say, ‘I want to have deep relationships. I really want to connect with others.’ Many of us say that, but in reality, we don’t mean it. The truth of the matter is that most people, including Christians, have surface-level relationships. We may have known people for a long time, but we are still talking about the same stuff: the weather, sports, and current events. We are fearful to relate to them on a deep level. Why? We say to ourselves, ‘If they knew all of my problems, they would reject me. They wouldn’t like me. They would not believe what I am dealing with or what I have done or what I am struggling with. They would just keep me at arm’s length.’ In an effort to not feel the loneliness of rejection, we isolate ourselves and feel the loneliness of not being truly known. If we were to come clean about our spiritual and relational loneliness and really begin to share who we are with people, they would probably sigh and tell us they are struggling with the same issues.”

He continues, “The key is to keep both of these levels of loneliness in balance. Do not expect other people to fix your spiritual loneliness or expect God to fill the relational void in your life. You were created for relationship with God and community—not one or the other. You cannot expect your spouse to meet needs that only God can meet. You can’t put those types of expectations on your wife or your husband or your friend. My friends can’t deliver me from evil. My friends cannot answer my prayers. My friends cannot forgive me of my sins or guide me or lead me. Only God can do that. If we turn to human relationships to satisfy our relational loneliness before turning to God to satisfy our spiritual loneliness, we are in for trouble. We cannot dump all of our longings and feelings of loneliness on human relationships. We must first bring our loneliness to God, and then we will be able to feel more satisfied and fulfilled in our relationships.”

He then says, “Sometimes we rely so much on other people to take away our feelings of loneliness that we become clingy. We put so much pressure on the other person that we totally turn them off to wanting to relate to us at all. They begin to say, ‘Man, I need some space. You are smothering me.’ They push us away, and we feel rejected. If or when this happens, go back to God and recognize the spiritual longing you have neglected. Your Savior must be the source of your relational strength. When you connect with Him, when you walk with Him, when you talk with Him, then you have some real power to bring to human relationships. A true friend is going to point you to Christ. A true friend will deepen your relationship with Him.”

And that is what we want, and need isn’t it?

Yes, yes!