“… it is in relationships that our minds are actually built.”

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book,  The Power of the Other (p.17). Harper Business. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

I know, I know this is a little technical, but it can also be very practical and very crucial.

Henry says, “By relationship we are talking not just about hanging out with your pals in a fraternity house. We are talking about specific qualitative relational connectedness. Neuroscience has shown us that these kinds of relationships, even seemingly insignificant ones, greatly enhance performance and even help build, fuel, and sustain the physical connections hardwired in the brain.

“This is why you can feel very differently and perform very differently, depending on whom you are with and what is going on in that relationship. Moreover, it is in relationships that our minds are actually built. These relationships affect not only our bodies and brains, but our mind’s abilities as well. Infants who have a loving, caring, supportive, and attuned relationship develop all sorts of internal physical and mental equipment thereby.”

He goes on, “The neural equipment that results from those relationships will enable them to connect with others, empathize with others, and develop intellectually and physically. Healthy relationship wires their brains for a host of functions—such as the ability to regulate their own emotions, solve problems, deal with stress, and be resilient. As we will see, business leaders, athletes, and other high performers build their equipment through relationships utilizing the very same mechanisms.”

Henry then says, “The structure, activities, and quality of those relationships are crucial. If the relationships are positive, attuned, empathic, caring, supportive, and challenging, then they cause positive development in the brain and increase performance capacities. If they are not quality connections, they either cause nothing to happen when something should be happening, or bad things to be built into us when they shouldn’t be—‘bugs,’ such as an overreactive brain, distrust, squirrelly thinking, an inability to focus and attend, impulsivity, controlling behavior, sensitivity to failure, and other liabilities that interfere with our performance.”

Again, the structure, activities, and quality of our relationships are crucial. And especially during this pandemic, especially at home. It is so crucial. We really do need each other, don’t we? 

Yes, yes!