A thought by John Townsend from his book, Loving People (p.39). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
But some believe the myth that if you love people, you will be emptied, drained, and sucked dry.
John says, “Many people are concerned about this, afraid that if they give of themselves too much, they may get in trouble emotionally or not have enough care to give to others they are responsible for, or even enough to take care of themselves. For example, a friend of mine who is a nurse in the intensive care unit at a hospital told me she was thinking about changing her career, as it took too much away from her. ‘After an eight-hour shift, there’s nothing left of me, and then I have to care for my family. But I don’t have anything left to give,’ she said. There are other serving, relationally based careers that have this issue, such as teaching, ministry, counseling, and the like. This is a common concern. However, it is based on some faulty ideas. Since I do not want you to avoid taking the risk and effort of becoming a loving person, I want to clarify the realities in this area.
“In my writing and speaking, I often use the metaphor of ‘love is fuel’ to clarify how we need to both receive it and give it. However, that metaphor is not 100 percent accurate. We do not receive a gallon of care and give a gallon of care. It is not a one-to-one ratio.”
He goes on, “There will be times you deeply care about another person and come away energized, hopeful, and happy that you have had the experience. I have often had this happen and felt just as ‘full’ as the person with whom I was connecting. If love were a substance, I would feel emptier as they felt filled up, but that is often not the case at all. Love can truly be win-win. How many times have you heard about someone helping a person in trouble who later says about the experience, ‘I gave to this person, but I ended up receiving love in return as well’?”
He continues, “Loving people become competent and skillful at love. They know how to care, how to help, and how to heal. And they do this better and better as time goes on. Rather than going through life and having to scale down on connecting, loving people increase their abilities and capacities.”
He then says, “I know individuals in their seventies and beyond who are not constrained and limited by their hearts, only by their bodies. The physical machine may be slowing down and wearing down, but their attentiveness, understanding, and care are greater than they ever were. Don’t be afraid of losing love as you give it . . . love increases as you give it.”
So, will you strive to become a more loving person? Will you?
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