“So make sure of this: do not confuse the grace of being loving with the license of being enabling.”

A thought by John Townsend from his book, Loving People (p.31). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

And there is a difference.

John says, “Loving people don’t put up with evil and foolishness. That is enabling and rescuing, and it never helps anyone. Instead, people who are truly loving will confront, limit, and quarantine people who consistently make wrong choices. So keep that distinction in mind: love seeks the best, but it does not enable bad behavior.”

He goes on, “But with all this said, remember that as you grow into a more loving person, you will seek good for that person and wish good things for that person. It may have to be from a distance, with some separateness, especially if the person is very toxic, and you must be responsible for yourself. But loving people still go further than merely tolerating an unlovable person as the person continues to grow in love and grace.

“Not only that, but loving a lovable person requires no real growth, grace, effort, or transformation on our part. As I said, loving those who are lovable is easy. We are drawn to them, and we also draw from them. But think now about a toxic person in your life, even one who has caused you pain or injury. And think about the prospect of seeking and doing what is best for that person. That is a different matter. Most of us would instead recall bad memories and desires for justice and revenge. This is not to say that there should not be justice; justice is important and may even be a form of love the person truly needs to experience. But the point is, when you grow in your capacity to love, you will find yourself caring about people in your life with less regard to how lovable they are.”

He then says, “And the ultimate fruit of learning to love that selfish or hurtful person can often be a miracle: your love can help them, the unlovable, to become more lovable. The safety, acceptance, and care you bring to unlovable people may be part of a recipe that God has for them, which can produce inside them what does not exist. That is one of the great things love does—it promotes good for both the giver and the receiver.”

And that is what we really want, isn’t it?

Yes, yes!