A thought by John Townsend from his book, Loving People (p.23). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
And, of course that is what we want and need, isn’t it?
John says, “Henry Cloud and I conduct an intensive weeklong retreat for leaders several times a year in Southern California, called the Ultimate Leadership Workshop. In this setting, leaders from all aspects of leadership—from the corporate world to small business leaders to pastors, teachers, and ministry leaders—meet to develop their leadership capacities by dealing with their character issues, personality, and inner worlds.”
He goes on, “I remember one recent workshop week in which I talked to Randall, a pastor who was a very task-oriented, driven, and somewhat obsessive person. He was intelligent and had good and clear motives and values, but he was stuck in the left side of his brain. When he interacted with others, his conversation tended to drift toward goals, logistics, strategies, tasks, and so forth; he had a hard time talking about personal matters and connecting with people at deeper levels. He truly cared about other people, but he didn’t know how to show or experience his caring in ways that work best. This is a common issue with leaders, and it was one of the reasons he was in the workshop. Randall was aware that his ability to connect with people had some limitations, and he did not want that to get in the way of his leadership.
“When I ran into Randall near the end of the workshop week, I saw a different person. He was much warmer, more responsive, and more connected. I asked him, ‘How have things gone?’ Randall told me what had happened. It turned out that in one of the group sessions, he had become aware that his parents, though they loved him a great deal, were not comfortable with the emotions of their kids, especially the negative ones. So, when he would get upset, they would attempt to reason him out of his feelings by saying things like, ‘It doesn’t do any good to cry; just think good thoughts.’ Having nowhere to go with his feelings, Randall had grown up a highly skilled and bright thinker who had a hard time connecting and relating.”
John continues, “When he made the connection from his past to his present, the other leaders in his group were warm and compassionate with his experience. They made it safe for him. He told me that when this happened, something broke loose inside him, and some strong emotions began to come out. Randall began to feel emotions he had not known about for years: sadness, joy, anger, grief. They were a little out of his comfort zone, but he stuck with them, the group stuck with him, and he processed the emotions. And he started feeling alive, as though he was a real person.
“Once Randall began to deal with this and relate at this level, his relationships with the other leaders in his small group began to change and open up. They were able to get closer to him. As well, he began to listen to them in ways he never had before. He shared experiences, hopes, dreams, and hurts with them. He got beyond vision casting and strategies. And more than one attendee came up to me and told me what a relational person Randall had become.”
John then says, “This is the point: growth develops the capacity to love. Randall’s experience illustrates how important it is for you to be in the process of growth, dealing with and resolving issues, struggles, problems, and brokenness— little or big, mild or severe. Your capacity to be a loving person will be greatly affected by the extent of your involvement in the life of growth.”
So, our capacity to be a loving person is greatly affected by our involvement in the life of grow? So, then, let’s do all we can to grow, okay?
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