“When people try to communicate with others, many believe the message is all that matters.”

A thought by John C. Maxwell from his book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect. (p. 48). HarpersCollins Leadership Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

But it isn’t.

John says, “But the reality is that communication goes way beyond words. In an important study, UCLA psychology professor emeritus Albert Mehrabian discovered that face-to-face communication can be broken down into three components: words, tone of voice, and body language. What may come as a surprise is that in some situations, such as when verbal and nonverbal messages aren’t consistent, what people see us do and the tone we use can far outweigh any words we say while trying to communicate. In situations where feelings and attitudes are being communicated:

·      What we say accounts for only 7 percent of what is believed.

·      The way we say it accounts for 38 percent.

·      What others see accounts for 55 percent.”

John goes on, “Amazingly, more than 90 percent of the impression we often convey has nothing to do with what we actually say. So if you believe communication is all about words, you’re totally missing the boat, and you will always have a hard time connecting with others.

“While these statistics may reveal the limitations of words in some communication situations, they don’t do anything to help us figure out how to better communicate with others. So what’s the solution? Howard Hendricks, who has been a long-distance mentor to me for many years, says that all communication has three essential components: the intellectual, the emotional, and the volitional. In other words, when we try to communicate, we must include:

·      Thought: something we know

·      Emotion: something we feel

·      Action: something we do”

John continues, “I believe those three components are essential to connect with others as well. Fail to include any one of the three and there will be a disconnection from people and a breakdown in communication. More specifically, here’s how I think the breakdown would occur. If I try to communicate:

·      Something I know but do not feel, my communication is dispassionate.

·      Something I know but do not do, my communication is theoretical.

·      Something I feel but do not know, my communication is unfounded.

·      Something I feel but do not do, my communication is hypocritical.

·      Something I do but do not know, my communication is presumptuous.

·      Something I do but do not feel, my communication is mechanical.”

He says, “When components are missing, the result for me as a communicator is exhaustion. However, when I include all three components— thought, emotion, and action—my communication has conviction, passion, and credibility. The result is connection. I believe you can achieve the same result when you include all three.”

And that is what we want and need, isn’t it?  

Yes, yes!