A thought by John C. Maxwell from his
book, Everyone Communicates, Few Connect.
(p. 29). HarpersCollins Leadership Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title
to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
This so important for all of us to see.
John says, “It’s about the person with
whom I’m communicating. Similarly, when you are trying to connect with people,
it’s not about you—it’s about them. If you want to connect with others, you
have to get over yourself. You have to change the focus from inward to outward,
off of yourself and onto others. And the great thing is that you can do it.
Anyone can. All it takes are the will to change your focus, the determination
to follow through, and the acquisition of a handful of skills!
“Why do so many people miss this? I think
there are many reasons, but I can tell you why I missed it and why I thought
communicating and working with others was all about me.”
The first one he says is, “IMMATURITY.
He goes on, “Maturity is the ability to
see and act on behalf of others. Immature people don’t see things from someone
else’s point of view. They rarely concern themselves with what’s best for
others. In many ways, they act like small children.”
Another one is, “EGO”
He states, “There is a very real danger
for people with public professions to develop unhealthily strong egos. Leaders,
speakers, and teachers can develop a disproportionate sense of their own
importance.”
And then there is, “FAILURE TO VALUE
EVERYONE”
On this he says, “Today I see my
purpose as adding value to others. It has become the focus of my life, and
anyone who knows me understands how important it is to me. However, to add
value to others, one must first value others. In the early years of my career,
I didn’t do that. I was so focused on my own agenda that I often overlooked and
ignored many people. If they weren’t important to my cause, they didn’t get my
time or attention.”
And then the last one is, “INSECURITY”
He shares, “Chew Keng Sheng, a
lecturer at Universiti Sains Malaysia’s School of Medical Sciences, believes
that the underlying reason for immaturity and ego-centeredness, especially
among public speakers, is insecurity… What a negative cycle that can create,
especially if a person doesn’t receive or recognize the desired approval.”
John later says, “You can connect with
others if you’re willing to get off your own agenda, to think about others, and
to try to understand who they are and what they want. If you really want to
help people, connecting becomes more natural and less mechanical. It goes from
being something that you merely do to becoming part of who you really are. If
you’re willing to learn how to connect, you will be amazed at the doors that
will open to you and the people you will be able to work with. All you have to
do is keep reminding yourself that connecting is all about others.”
Let’s keep reminding
ourselves of that. And will you strive to change your focus off of you and on to others? Will you?
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