A thought by John Townsend from his
book, People Fuel (p. 62). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book
title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
This is the middle of the three proper
elements for growth. They are grace,
truth and time.
John says, “Truth informs, educates,
enlightens, corrects, and confronts us. Every time you drive across a bridge,
you are trusting the truths of the laws of physics and engineering which the construction
was based on. When you read a book that gives you a new way to think, you are
experiencing truth.
“There are many ways we can take truth
into our minds and lives, among them:
•The Bible, which informs and
guides us
•Research, the systematic
analysis leading to truthful conclusions and principles about medicine,
careers, sports, families, and theology
•Experts, those individuals
who have high levels of data about their subject
•Feedback, the personal
insights and observations that people who know us well tell us to help us grow
and be better people”
He later says, “We all need the truth,
from its various sources, to be the people we were designed to be. But let’s
face it, most of us are more comfortable with receiving grace than with hearing
truth. We don’t wake up in the morning thinking, It will be an awesome day if people confront me with a lot of
truth. We may value truth, but there’s also
an ouch factor. That is one reason grace is so important, as it delivers enough
safety and acceptance for us to be able to digest the truth.
“Remember that truth without grace can
be judgment and condemnation. But grace without truth can become licentiousness
and irresponsibility. God requires both elements.
“Sometimes you need to have the grace
in place prior to delivering the truth, especially when it’s a tough
conversation or a new relationship. In long-term and sound relationships, not
as much. If you have been married twenty years and must say, ‘I just want you
to know that I accept you’ before you tell your spouse it bugs you that they don’t
put the cap on the toothpaste, you have a problem!”
He continues, “Also, grace should be a
seasoning you add during a truth talk as much as something you do beforehand.
We have what psychologists call a persecutory judge in our heads. That judge
looks for opportunities to see others as condemning us when they are just
shooting straight with us. And during a difficult conversation, the persecutory
judge can get activated and derail the talk. You may have experienced this in a
conversation when halfway through, out of the blue, the person says, ‘You’re
just putting me down,’ when you are trying to build them up through observing a
problem.
He then says, “So make sure, when you are in truth
mode, that you make efforts to be warm, give good eye contact, let the person
know you are for them and admit that you are also flawed and need correction
in your life. That will help the process.”
Give grace, help them to see that you
believe in them and care for them then share the truth. Remember truth can be both affirming and challenging and we all need both to grow, don’t we?
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