“Let’s say a salesperson doesn’t handle a prize account well and loses it.”

A thought by John Townsend from his book, People Fuel (p. 70). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

Ok, let’s say that.

John goes on, “The objective memory is the facts: he didn’t attend to the client’s needs in time to preserve the business relationship. The subjective memory is shame, guilt, and a sense of defeat.

Feeling shame!

“We know that shame, guilt, and defeat can paralyze a person; it does no good for him or the organization. So when a competent boss analyzes what happened, he is best served by doing two things. He affirms the facts: ‘Yes, the loss of the account is your responsibility, and it was a significant failure.’ But then instead of heaping on more shame, guilt, and defeat, he says, ‘I understand how you’re beating yourself up over this. At the same time, I believe in you and your talents. I am not overly concerned about this, because I know your character. I had my own learning curve in your position, and it worked out. Let me know how I can help.’”

He continues, “Time after time, we find that the person walks out of that meeting with a new way of thinking and feeling about the situation. Unless he has significant emotional issues and needs more help from a counselor, he is on his way to growing because of what happened.

“The boss’s differing perspective is called a mismatching experience. The term refers to the reality that his way of looking at the matter is at odds with how the salesman is feeling about things. And if it is a true relational experience—if it is delivered with mutual openness and warmth—it removes the unhealthy emotions and replaces them with the healthier outlook.

“Looking at what happened in terms of relational nutrients, the boss transferred great ingredients such as encouragement and hope to his direct through the process.”

John then says, “You don’t need to be a therapist to do this. The boss in this situation was a client of mine, and he had simply learned the skill. While there are many instances in which a counselor is necessary, leaders can accomplish a lot more than they think they can in this relational nutrient world. And that includes you.”

There is so much to learn but there is such a benefit, isn’t there? 

Yes, yes!