“If you have never disagreed with someone important in your life, one of you is not necessary.”

A thought by John Townsend from his book, People Fuel (p. 42). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

Townsend, John. People Fuel (p. 42). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

Have you?  I'm sure you have.

John says, “With any significant connection with someone, over time we will disagree, bug each other, hurt each other’s feelings, or separate from one another. No relationship of any gravitas is without its speed bumps. It’s just the nature of being human. If you have never disagreed with someone important in your life, one of you is not necessary.”

He goes on, “But the great relationships are those which employ the love, persistence, character, and skills required to work things out and move on. The connections are often stronger once the storm has been weathered.

“This capacity to solve problems is a rare commodity today. How often have you expressed a difference of opinion or experienced a conflict, and after that the relationship was never the same or even ended?”

He continues, “I was hired by a large home furnishings company to fix the relationship between two top executives, a woman, and a man, in the marketing department. Things had gotten so bad between them that by this point they were no longer speaking.

“I had a two-hour conversation with them to help matters. It was a lot of work for all three of us. Basically, the woman was easily triggered by any sort of criticism, even when spoken as kindly as possible, and the man unfortunately never criticized kindly. So it was a match not made in heaven.

“I was handling statements like, ‘You are the most disorganized person I know. How can you keep your job?’ and ‘You are not only critical; you are judgmental. I don’t have to listen to this from you,’ followed by leaving the room.

“Eventually it all got sorted out in a positive way, and they worked out their relationship issues well. But imagine the impact on the company before that. Executives were telling me that it was affecting, and infecting, the whole organization. Performance was down, culture was in the tank, and just getting things done was derailed.”

He then says, “The same is true in our personal lives. When you care about someone, you want to be able to disagree, argue in healthy ways, solve problems, make decisions, and get back to love and connection. When that can’t happen, we feel disconnected, alone, frustrated, and sad.

“This is why the problem-solving aspect of people fruit is so important, and why I have written so many Boundaries books on healthy ways to deal with this. The Bible teaches how important it is to be able to solve problems with each other through the right conversations: ‘Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted’ (Gal. 6:1).

“Being able to have vulnerable and honest relationships is simply a great way to go through life, personally and professionally.”

It really is, isn't it?  

Yes, yes!