A thought by John Townsend from his
book, People Fuel (p. 83). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book
title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book
John says, “Study after study has
shown that, especially in times of stress, we lose focus, perseverance, and
energy when we feel disconnected from others… Genesis 2:18… is so clear that
it’s not good that we are alone. Presence comes from one another and from God.
In Psalm 16, David says to God, ‘You will fill me with joy in your presence’
(v. 11). Over and over in the Bible, God lets us know that the ‘being with’ is
important to him, for our sakes.”
Earlier John said, “We know from
neuroscience and from attachment research that a great deal of growth and
health comes from simply communicating to each other that we are present with
them. Just letting them know, using very few words, that they are not alone
causes endorphins to be released, and the person can forge ahead in their
challenges, buoyed by the connection.”
John goes on, “Think about times in
your life when you have been with a person, perhaps at dinner, taking a walk,
or watching the sunset, and though it’s a quiet time between you two, you feel
connected and maybe even content… One individual conveys to another, in body
language, eye contact, tone of voice, emotional presence, and words, that she
isn’t all by herself in her situation. And that makes all the difference.”
Then he says, “Leadership is about
purposeful and intentional movement, about actions toward a mission and a goal.
It’s often hard for a leader to refrain from giving advice and direction—or
asking for it—and learn how to just be with someone. It can feel useless or purposeless.
And yet that’s the message to all of us in Jesus’ conversation with Martha and
Mary (Luke 10:38–42). While Martha was certainly trying to be productive, Jesus
clarified that Mary’s being present with him was the better thing.”
John says, “When friends and families
can relate on this level, people are happier and healthier. A few days ago, I
had lunch with a friend who was going through some stresses with his teenage
son. The son was acting out in school and was disrespectful with the family. Fortunately,
my friend was being proactive and doing all of the right things. He got his
family into counseling, they were learning new ways to relate, and the school
was involved in healthy ways.
“At the same time, it was a very
stressful season for my friend. He was fatigued and, even though things were
slowly going in the right direction, feeling a bit discouraged. I didn’t have
any advice to give him, as I thought he was doing everything he should be. So I
simply listened, let him know I understood and empathized.
“I didn’t think I was doing a lot to
help how he felt. But at the end of our lunch, he said, ‘Thanks. I feel better
now.’
“‘I’m glad to hear it. You’re
important to me. What made you feel better?’
“‘Basically, you were there. I feel
different inside, like someone else gets it who’s on my side. I feel more ready
to fight for my kid another day.’
“No advice. No wisdom. No solutions.
But there was clearly a transfer of relational nutrients from me to my friend,
and it made the difference.”
Just being there can really make a
difference, can’t it?
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