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“Isolation is one of the most debilitating experiences we can have.”

A thought by John Townsend from his book, People Fuel (p. 83). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book

John says, “Study after study has shown that, especially in times of stress, we lose focus, perseverance, and energy when we feel disconnected from others… Genesis 2:18… is so clear that it’s not good that we are alone. Presence comes from one another and from God. In Psalm 16, David says to God, ‘You will fill me with joy in your presence’ (v. 11). Over and over in the Bible, God lets us know that the ‘being with’ is important to him, for our sakes.”

Earlier John said, “We know from neuroscience and from attachment research that a great deal of growth and health comes from simply communicating to each other that we are present with them. Just letting them know, using very few words, that they are not alone causes endorphins to be released, and the person can forge ahead in their challenges, buoyed by the connection.”

John goes on, “Think about times in your life when you have been with a person, perhaps at dinner, taking a walk, or watching the sunset, and though it’s a quiet time between you two, you feel connected and maybe even content… One individual conveys to another, in body language, eye contact, tone of voice, emotional presence, and words, that she isn’t all by herself in her situation. And that makes all the difference.”

Then he says, “Leadership is about purposeful and intentional movement, about actions toward a mission and a goal. It’s often hard for a leader to refrain from giving advice and direction—or asking for it—and learn how to just be with someone. It can feel useless or purposeless. And yet that’s the message to all of us in Jesus’ conversation with Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38–42). While Martha was certainly trying to be productive, Jesus clarified that Mary’s being present with him was the better thing.”

John says, “When friends and families can relate on this level, people are happier and healthier. A few days ago, I had lunch with a friend who was going through some stresses with his teenage son. The son was acting out in school and was disrespectful with the family. Fortunately, my friend was being proactive and doing all of the right things. He got his family into counseling, they were learning new ways to relate, and the school was involved in healthy ways.

“At the same time, it was a very stressful season for my friend. He was fatigued and, even though things were slowly going in the right direction, feeling a bit discouraged. I didn’t have any advice to give him, as I thought he was doing everything he should be. So I simply listened, let him know I understood and empathized.

“I didn’t think I was doing a lot to help how he felt. But at the end of our lunch, he said, ‘Thanks. I feel better now.’

“I’m glad to hear it. You’re important to me. What made you feel better?’

“Basically, you were there. I feel different inside, like someone else gets it who’s on my side. I feel more ready to fight for my kid another day.’

“No advice. No wisdom. No solutions. But there was clearly a transfer of relational nutrients from me to my friend, and it made the difference.”

Just being there can really make a difference, can’t it? 

Yes, yes!

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