“The pain that lonely, isolated people feel is a good thing, for it points to a vital need.”

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal (p. 74). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

See, your pain can be a good thing.

Henry says, “‘Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,’ said Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount, ‘for they will be filled’ (Matt. 5:6). If our lives were perfect, we wouldn’t seek after God. If we didn’t feel hungry, we wouldn’t eat, and we might all starve to death.”

He goes on, “If isolation continues too long without relief, the protesting person moves into the second stage of depression and despair. The hope that needs will be met begins to wilt, like a plant without water. Depressed people look hopeless: their eyes don’t sparkle, their shoulders slump, their faces are drawn and tired. They long for something they are not getting.

“In reality, this is still a good stage, because depressed people are at least in touch with what they want; they just feel that they will never get it. ‘Hope deferred makes the heart sick,’ says the wisdom writer in Proverbs 13:12. Depressed people’s hearts are sick because of their unanswered need for relationship, but they still feel the need.”

He continues, “If depression and despair continue long enough without anyone intervening to relieve the loneliness, the third stage of detachment sets in. People who reach this stage are detached both from their own need for others and from the outside world. They are out of touch with themselves at a very rudimentary level; at times they no longer even feel alive.”

He then shares, “One client of mine felt impelled to cut herself. She described her detachment this way, ‘If I can’t feel my pain, I start to feel dead inside. That’s why I have to cut myself, in order to know that I can still feel something.’ This self-destructive behavior may sound extreme, but it is really a move toward staying alive. She wanted to know that she was at least physically alive because emotionally, she felt dead. She was detached.

“It’s important to note that detachment can also take more socially acceptable forms. Take, for example, successful business people who work long hours and drive themselves to achieve. They may get awards and command large salaries at work, but their spouses and children often tell a different story.”

If this is you at any of these stages, please let your pain lead you to seek after God.  Would you do that? 

Yes, yes!