A thought by Henry Cloud, from his
book, Changes That Heal (p. 74). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on
the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
See, your pain can be a good thing.
Henry says, “‘Blessed are those who
hunger and thirst for righteousness,’ said Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount, ‘for
they will be filled’ (Matt. 5:6). If our lives were perfect, we wouldn’t seek
after God. If we didn’t feel hungry, we wouldn’t eat, and we might all starve
to death.”
He goes on, “If isolation
continues too long without relief, the protesting person moves into the second
stage of depression and despair. The hope that needs will be met begins to wilt,
like a plant without water. Depressed people look hopeless: their eyes don’t
sparkle, their shoulders slump, their faces are drawn and tired. They long for
something they are not getting.
“In reality, this is still a good
stage, because depressed people are at least in touch with what they want; they
just feel that they will never get it. ‘Hope deferred makes the heart sick,’
says the wisdom writer in Proverbs 13:12. Depressed people’s hearts are sick
because of their unanswered need for relationship, but they still feel the
need.”
He continues, “If depression and
despair continue long enough without anyone intervening to relieve the
loneliness, the third stage of detachment sets in. People who reach this stage are detached
both from their own need for others and from the outside world. They are out of
touch with themselves at a very rudimentary level; at times they no longer even
feel alive.
He then shares, “One client of mine felt impelled to
cut herself. She described her detachment this way, ‘If I can’t feel my pain, I
start to feel dead inside. That’s why I have to cut myself, in order to know
that I can still feel something.’ This self-destructive behavior may sound
extreme, but it is really a move toward staying alive. She wanted to know that
she was at least physically alive because emotionally, she felt dead. She was
detached.
“It’s important to note that
detachment can also take more socially acceptable forms. Take, for example,
successful business people who work long hours and drive themselves to achieve.
They may get awards and command large salaries at work, but their spouses and
children often tell a different story.”
If this is you at any of these stages,
please let your pain lead you to seek after God. Would you do that?
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