“Making human connections when you grew up without them takes a good dose of grace, truth, and time.”

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal (p. 100). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

It really does.  It really does!

Henry says, “Here are some skills that will start you on the long road to making changes that heal.

“Realize the need.  You may not realize that your problems stem from a lack of bonding and attachment. Perhaps you grew up in a family where closeness was not valued or were injured to the point where you have forgotten how to bond. Thus, the first thing you need to do is to realize how much you need attachment...

“Move Toward Others.  It is wonderful when others move toward you and seek out your heart, for that is what God does. Often, though, others cannot see what you need and how emotionally isolated you really are. Therefore, to the best of your ability, actively reach out for help and support. Earlier, we saw how alien this idea was to Justin. He could not imagine how someone would be interested in connecting with him at a deeper level.

“Be Vulnerable.  You can move toward others, get socially involved, and have relationships, but still be isolated. Your isolation may stem from your inability to be open, your inability to show your real self to others. Learn to be vulnerable. The word vulnerable literally means ‘open to criticism or attack.’ You need to be so open with your needs that you are open to attack…

“Being vulnerable at a social level may be too threatening at first. Maybe you need to start with a pastor, counselor, or support group. But vulnerability is a skill that opens up the heart for love to take root. When you can admit that you need support and help, and can reveal your hurt and isolation, a dynamic is set into motion that can literally transform your personality and life.

“Challenge Distorted Thinking. Distorted thinking blocks you from relating to others. This essentially causes you to repeat what happened in the past. Challenge the distortions that keep you in bondage. To the extent that you continue to see the world through your childhood eyeglasses, your past will be your future.”

And others he gives are, “Take Risks. . . Allow Dependent feelings. . . Recognize Defenses. . . Become Comfortable with Anger. . . Pray and Meditate. . . Be empathic. . . Rely on the Holy Spirit.”

And his last one is, “Say Yes to life. The task of bonding to others and to God is one of saying yes to life. It is saying yes to God’s and others’ invitation to connect with them. People who struggle with isolation say no to relationship in many ways.

“When you hide behind defense mechanisms, you are saying no. When you avoid intimacy, you are saying no. When you make excuses, you are saying no. Connection requires that you begin to say yes to love when it presents itself. This may mean accepting invitations to be with people instead of always withdrawing. It may mean giving a different answer in safe contexts when you are asked, ‘How are you doing?’ It may mean empathizing with another’s hurt. Whatever the opportunity, it means saying ‘yes’ to relationship.”

Will you do that? 

Yes, yes!