“If we are blessed with loving caretakers who meet our needs, we develop our ‘trust muscle.’”

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Changes That Heal (p. 84). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

If we have been it can make a major difference.

Henry says, “We begin to perceive the world as a trustworthy place. In developmental terms, this is called ‘basic trust.’

“But if our needs are not met if we are neglected, abandoned, beaten, abused, criticized, hated, or resented for existing, then our very ability to trust and be vulnerable is injured. And our ability to bond is based on our ability to be vulnerable and needy. We are in trouble if this ability is damaged. It is our key to life.”

He goes on, “If, on the one hand, we find the world trustworthy, we learn that being vulnerable is a wonderful thing because it gets us lots of goodies, like love. When this happens, we get more and more because we trust and depend more and more. The rich get richer; loving people find more love.

“If, on the other hand, we find the world untrustworthy, we learn that it would be dumb to trust and be vulnerable. We accurately believe that our survival depends on our not being vulnerable. We rightly get into the ‘I don’t need anybody’ stance, a smart thing to do in an untrustworthy environment.”

He then says, “God wired us with a memory so that we could learn what satisfies and remember it in order to get it again. This is where hope comes from—remembering that good things have come our way in the past and therefore they are likely to come again. This memory works the same way when things are bad. We draw a mental map of the world, and then we order our journey around it. This is not something we really sit down and think about. It is much more natural and automatic than that. If we touch a hot stove, our pain centers warn us not to do that again. If a puppy is hit, its brain warns it to shrink from a raised human hand.”

Henry says, “We learn how the world is and adapt to it. We construct a map of relationship, and how it works. The problem is that we may construct our map in a hurtful setting, and then when we are older and out of that setting, we forget to update it. Our twenty-year-old map then becomes a barrier to living fully, to relating to others.”

Somehow we need to update it by bonding with people who really care about us and then be vulnerable with them. We really do need each other, don’t we?

Yes, yes!

Comments

"Lie 2: The more you worry about it, the better your odds of avoiding it."

A thought by Louie Giglio in his book, Winning the War on Worry (p. 5). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) Here is another lie that the Enemy uses with us. And Louie says, "This is a tricky lie. Yes, we often have cause for concern and preparation. But the Enemy wants you to believe that if you worry or fret over a certain outcome long enough, you can keep something bad from happening." But this is so important to realize. He says, "The reality is worrying has never once prevented something negative from happening. Planning might. Prayer has. But worry never will." He continues, "The Enemy tells you that by worrying about a situation (or every situation) you can make your tomorrow better. Really, worry just robs you of today. Jesus implored us: 'I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body mor...

“Hurry and love are incompatible.”

A thought by John Mark Comer from his book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry (p. 23). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Wow, pretty strong thought isn’t it? John says, “All my worst moments as a father, a husband, and a pastor, even as a human being, are when I’m in a hurry—late for an appointment, behind on my unrealistic to-do list, trying to cram too much into my day. I ooze anger, tension, a critical nagging—the antitheses of love. If you don’t believe me, next time you’re trying to get your type B wife and three young, easily distracted children out of the house and you’re running late (a subject on which I have a wealth of experience), just pay attention to how you relate to them. Does it look and feel like love? Or is it far more in the vein of agitation, anger, a biting comment, a rough glare? Hurry and love are oil and water: they simply do not mix.” He goes on, “Hence, in the apostle P...

“There’s a big difference between building a castle and building a kingdom.”

A thought by Bob Goff from his book, Everybody, Always: Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People ( p. 41). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Have you ever built a sand castle or maybe a Lego castle? Have you? Bob says, “We actually build castles all the time, out of our jobs and our families and the things we’ve purchased. Sometimes we even make them out of each other. Some of these castles are impressive too. Lots of people come to admire what we’ve built over the course of our lives and tell us what great castles we have. But Jesus told His friends we weren’t supposed to spend our lives building castles. He said He wanted us to build a kingdom, and there’s a big difference between building a castle and building a kingdom.” Bob goes on, “You see, castles have moats to keep creepy people out, but kingdoms have bridges to let everyone in. Castles have dungeons for people who ha...

Just Continue That Thought...

Search This Blog