A thought by Mike Bechtle from his book, People Can't Drive You Crazy If You Don't Give Them the Keys (p. 34). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
But that’s not true of you and me, is it? Or maybe it is!
Mike clarifies what he means, “These aren’t intentional choices we make; they’re just assumptions we’ve adopted that get in the way of healthy relationships.”
He then gives us five myths about relationships. They are:
“1. If I can convince someone of the facts, they’ll respond differently. Trying to change someone’s emotional response with logic is like fighting a kitchen grease fire with water. They just don’t mix and can cause even more flare-ups.
“2. I’ll never be happy until this relationship is fixed. This perspective allows the other person to be in charge of our emotions. It’s a reactive response that robs us of the freedom to grow and thrive. We become victims of another person’s weaknesses and choices.
“3. If they would just get right with God, everything would be OK. While a strained relationship with God can cause havoc in a person’s life, there’s no guarantee that a healthy spiritual life will solve every relational problem. People are in process. We’re all growing, and we will never reach perfection in this life. Have you ever watched church people disagree?
“4. It takes two people to improve a relationship. If one person won’t cooperate in working on a relationship, it’s going to be tough to make it a strong, vibrant connection. But that doesn’t mean we have to be trapped by dysfunction. When we learn healthy ways of responding, we’re taking control of our emotional thermostat. We haven’t fixed the other person, but we’ve lessened their impact on our lives.
“5. If I’m patient and hang in there, they’ll eventually come around. False hope damages both parties in a relationship. We want the other person to change, and we hope and pray for the best. But the other person is responsible for their own choices and the consequences of those choices. If we think that our being consistent will make them change, we’re taking responsibility for them. If they don’t change, we’ve set ourselves up for disappointment.
My dad always said, “Too high expectations bring about frustrations” and that may be our problem in having healthy relationships. Maybe our expectations for our relationships are built on myths or wrong assumptions. And this can help us to redo our expectations in our relationships, can’t it?
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