A thought by Mike Bechtle from his book, People Can't Drive You Crazy If You Don't Give Them the Keys (p. 53). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
Mike continues the thought, “They’re a striking flower that grows in spheres of color, usually, shades of pink or white. They can also be a beautiful shade of blue—but not naturally.
“Diane wanted blue flowers. She had two alternatives for trying to make that happen:
“1. She could use force. She could grab the flower around the stem and say, ‘Look, if you don’t bloom with blue flowers, you’re going to find yourself on the rough side of the compost bin.’
“2. She could use influence. If she applies a carefully measured amount of aluminum sulfate to the soil, the blooms will usually be blue.
Mike goes on, “It’s true with any type of gardening. We can’t force things to grow, but we can influence their growth with water, nutrients, cultivation, and other forms of care. If we provide the right environment, there’s a lot better chance of healthy growth.
“Relationships are the same way. We can’t force people to change. The more we try, the more frustrated we’ll become.”
He then says, “President Dwight Eisenhower was once asked what he believed about motivating people. He picked up a string that was sitting on his desk and tried to push it ahead of his fingers, but it obviously didn’t work. His fingers moved first, and the string followed. He pointed out that if you try to push people ahead, it leads to frustration.[3] The only way to motivate others is to go in front and provide an example, and they will often follow.
“It’s not our job to fix other people. But we often find ourselves trying to do exactly that, and it’s frustrating when they don’t cooperate.
“So, what is our job? Many books on relationships talk about protecting ourselves from the weaknesses of others, setting boundaries, and keeping our distance. There is definitely a place for that perspective because we can’t be victims of another person’s dysfunction. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to make a difference. The Bible talks a lot about influencing others, which means they stay on our radar. We can’t force them to change, but we can seek to influence them. The issue isn’t how they respond; the issue is how we treat them.
Mike says, “It’s a threefold perspective:
“1. We try to influence the other person instead of trying to force them to change.
2. We are realistic in our expectations, knowing that we can’t direct their behavior.
3. We choose a healthy way of relating to that person, developing the appropriate boundaries to keep from becoming a victim of their choices.
Influence is the way to go in our relationships not forcing, isn't it?
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