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“Our expectations get us in trouble.”



A thought by Mike Bechtle from his book, People Can't Drive You Crazy If You Don't Give Them the Keys (p. 55). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

And that can be so true.

Mike says, “When a relationship is unhealthy, we often try to rescue it. The closer the relationship, the more we hope it will improve. But if I make it my mission to change you, I’m setting myself up for disappointment. It messes with my emotional set point if you don’t do what I’m expecting, and the emotions follow. Expectations always lead to pain when they’re not met.

“A healthier perspective is to come with expectancy rather than expectations. With expectancy, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I can be honest about my concerns and acknowledge my desire to have the person change, but I’m not demanding that things have to turn out a certain way. I don’t know how things will turn out.”

He then says, “Instead, I’m watching to see what happens, being sensitive to changes that I might overlook. That person may never change, and the relationship may never be healed. But if I can view things realistically, I’m building a foundation for how to make choices in that relationship—no matter what happens.”

Let’s make it expectancy instead of expectation and see what a difference it makes in us and maybe in them.

Yes, yes!
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