“Is change actually possible?”

A thought by Mike Bechtle from his book, People Can't Drive You Crazy If You Don't Give Them the Keys (p. 43). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

That’s a good question.  Can I change?  Can you change?

Mike says, “The simple answer is yes—people can change. No matter how long they’ve been a certain way, there is always hope. People can grow and change as the currents of life take them in new directions. We don’t want to throw up our arms and say, ‘It’s hopeless. They’ll never change.’ We might be the catalyst in that person’s life, influencing them to become more than they currently are.

“The bigger question is, “Will they change?” There’s no simple answer for that one because we don’t know what choices they might make in the future. There is always hope, but there are never guarantees. If we’re going to avoid becoming victims of other people’s craziness, it’s critical to operate from a dual perspective: hope and realism. Without hope, maintaining the relationship seems futile. Without realism, we set ourselves up for the probability of disappointment. Without balancing the two views, we lose our ability to make choices that are healthy.”

He goes on, “Yes, people can change. People might change. But it’s their choice; only they can do the changing. We can’t take responsibility for their choices. When we do, we feel the frustration that comes when other people don’t cooperate with our plans, and we end up yelling at the toaster oven.

“The option isn’t just to escape the relationship, though that might be appropriate in some situations. Too often people run away to escape the pressure but never address the issues that caused the pain in the first place. Years later, they still carry those unresolved issues with them and are still being eaten alive by bitterness.”

And that is not what we want to do, is it?  So, in dealing with difficult relationships let’s operate from the dual perspective of hope and realism and not be eaten alive by bitterness.  OK?

Yes, yes!