A thought by Mike Bechtle from his book, People Can't Drive You Crazy If You Don't Give Them the Keys (p. 36). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
Now that makes sense, doesn’t it?
Mike says, “The more drama there is, the more uncomfortable we are. In an effort to get back to our set point, we usually assume one of the three options we talked about in chapter 1: Convince the crazy person to change. Live with the craziness. Get the crazy person out of our life.”
Now he had dealt earlier with the matter of set point. He said, “Once we trust that person and have a relationship, we get comfortable. The river grows deeper and moves faster. We develop our ‘set point’ where the relationship works well. We have unspoken expectations of what the relationship will be like.”
He goes on, “The first option is worth considering but is often unrealistic. If we put all our hopes on another person changing to fit our expectations of the relationship, we’ll be sorely disappointed. We can’t force other people to change. If we count on it, we’re setting ourselves up for consistent emotional pain. We can influence change, but we can’t demand it. A mom may force her son to sit in a chair for a while as punishment; however, the child may think, ‘I’m sitting down on the outside, but I’m standing up on the inside.’
“The second option is a skewed version of a healthy response that often leads to a martyr complex: ‘I guess this is just my lot to bear in life. I’ll never be happy because this person is stuck in my life and will never change.’ The last part of that statement is often true: they’re a permanent fixture and they’ll always be crazy. But living as a victim is optional. We can choose how we respond.
“The third option works in some situations, but it’s tough in others. You can’t always choose your co-workers or your boss. Family members will always be family members, even if they live across the country. When your two-year-old is driving you crazy, you can’t say, ‘Look, you’re not living up to your part of the bargain here. You’re making me crazy. It’s time for you to go. We’re having a garage sale this weekend...’”
He then says, “When we can’t change a situation and we can’t leave the situation, we can choose our response to the situation. It’s a responsive approach that keeps us from becoming victims of another person’s choices.”
He later says, “Having healthy relationships doesn’t mean other people are going to be perfect or life will be drama-free. It doesn’t mean that everyone else is going to change for the better. It means that we work on our side of the relationship, no matter what happens on the other side. We don’t change them; we change ourselves.”
And there is the key. Nothing comes into our lives and no person comes into our lives that don’t first go through God’s love. They may come into your life to hurt you, to defeat you but as it goes through God’s love he changes the purpose from bad to good. And He wants you to choose to become good, to grow, to become more like Christ. You see, we don’t change them, we change ourselves.
So, will you let God change you to become more like Christ? Will you?
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