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“A lot of the discomfort in relationships comes from our own expectations.”

A thought by Mike Bechtle from his book, People Can't Drive You Crazy If You Don't Give Them the Keys (p. 47). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

And we don’t like discomfort, do we?

Mike says, “When we decide what a person is like during our first contact with them, we assume it’s accurate. We form those first impressions quickly, and we believe them to be true.

“The problem is that we’re evaluating the person from a one-sided perspective. We don’t know their perspective, so we assume it’s the same as ours. It’s like we’re looking at things through our own lenses—our background, culture, education, experience, language. But the other person is doing the same thing, assuming that we’re thinking the same way they are. So, we both end up with unrealistic expectations of what the relationship will be like.

He goes on, “Have you ever believed something about someone and then gained new information that changed your belief?

“If I have to jam on my brakes when someone cuts in front of me without signaling on the freeway, my first thought is that they are incompetent, rude, and aggressive. I might feel a strong emotion and make all kinds of assumptions about their character and competence.

“But I’ve done the same thing to other people accidentally when they’re in my blind spot. I might think I was looking carefully, but I don’t realize I’ve cut them off until I hear their horn as I merge dangerously in front of them. I didn’t do it maliciously, and I’m not being aggressive. But seeing their response in my rearview mirror tells me they don’t know what really happened. They’re making the same assumptions about me that I often do about others.”

Mike then says, “We interpret the actions of others as malicious when they might be totally innocent. And how we interpret their actions is what upsets us.”

And that is so true, isn’t it? 

Yes, yes!
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