"We see examples of poor communication all too often in life . . ."

A thought by David Roberts from his book, Healing Conversation (p. 54). Moran James Publishing. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.)

He continues this thought, "We see examples of poor communication all too often in life, in books and in movies and we scoff and say the word 'dysfunctional' to allude to that situation. Why don’t we connect with ease, spontaneity and deep joy with each other? We’ve touched on some barriers to great conversations in previous chapters. The right/wrong trap, extremism in our culture, hostile individuals, and hiding within a tribe or behind a mask are some of these. Our personal brokenness and issues also get in the way.

"Our fears, insecurities, and judgmental attitudes, adopting the habit of thinking in extremes or in generalities—all these things keep us apart. So, we do what we know, which is speak out of our own needs. That naturally causes us to push our own agendas which sabotages safe communication and banishes intimacy. We subtly send the message that the other person is wrong and that their opinion or thoughts don’t matter."

He goes on, "If we experience too many interactions where our perspectives are pitted against another person’s perspectives, we shut down, retreat, and don’t try again. We walk away feeling empty and alone. This is especially true when the other person is self-absorbed and dramatizing the negativity of their issues instead of talking through them. Also, it is too dangerous to talk in those instances when the only acceptable outcome is to name the winner and the loser.

"So, how do we overcome this and begin to engage in significant, relevant, engaging, life-building, energizing, fun conversations? After all, it takes at least two, and it’s a process, not a singular, shining moment. (Though in healing conversations, you can expect several shining moments.)"

He then says, "First, one needs to answer these questions. Do I really want this? Do I truly want to be seen, heard, known, and exposed at my deepest levels? Do I want to see into someone else’s world? Do I want to experience their heart and soul up close and personal? Am I willing to give and not just receive?

"My heart pounds a resounding 'yes!' Why don’t we unsettled people stand up and start a revolution where we celebrate the searching, longing and unsettledness of all the people in the world who may feel they don’t fit in? The idea that we would raise up a group of people who are valued precisely because they are deeply committed to healthy processes would be a major shift in our cultural leanings. What if we were more willing to see a number of perspectives and committed to have fewer fixed answers? Not knowing is necessary to knowing. If we don’t know that we don’t know then how will we ever actually know? We could celebrate those who don’t thrive on conflict, but who seek greater knowing. We could begin to listen to those who thrive on resolution, who wish to separate out from tribal wars where they had been too easily shouted down, or drowned out. We could invite our loved ones to find their voices. And, each of us could reverently seek to understand the power of words."

That is such a good start, isn't it? Yes, yes!