"Choosing a tribe is a perfect way to hide in plain sight."

A thought by David Roberts from his book, Healing Conversation (p. 35). Moran James Publishing. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.)

We don't want to go it alone so we choose a tribe to belong.

David says, "Choosing a tribe is a perfect way to hide in plain sight. It satisfies our need to belong, kind of. It gives us a sense of identity, sort of. It allows us to know and be fully known, in theory. This attempt to belong by selecting a tribe is not just a practical decision, it is emotional. We have a very deep longing to put an end to our feelings of disconnection and loneliness. The tribe choosing satisfies a need to belong, but to the extent we are hiding who we are, it also allows us to maintain a very real sense of anonymity. While it feels safe, it is also lonely. Often, the well-defined attributes of a group can be confining and demanding. Choosing a tribe can sometimes be complicated."

He goes on, "Safety exists in numbers. We can connect with people who agree with us and enjoy things in common. We can feel valued and have a sense of safety belonging with people. However, because we join the group, people assume we agree completely with the values and actions of the group. They do not ask us for full disclosure of who we are or what we believe, which is good because so much of the time, we don’t know or we know, but don’t want anyone else to know."

But is hiding in plain sight what we really want and need? He later says, "Healing conversations serve to help us find our truest and deepest identities. We learn about ourselves and our own hardwiring in meaningful conversation, where good questions are asked back and forth and where there is two–way safety and trust. We learn by being able to reveal ourselves in connection with others. We are liberated in being free to talk about our fears, thoughts, personal beliefs, preferences and our own transgressions. Such conversations are healing conversations in which we are truly turning together and turning toward truth."

He then says, "If we can find out more about who we are in the safety of healing conversations, maybe we can express freely what we want and where we want to go. Maybe we can find what’s missing from our lives.

"It’s so funny (strange) we don’t talk any more."

Hiding is not where we will find our truest and deepest identities. It's in healing conversations. And that is what we really need and want, isn't it?  

Yes, yes!