"I am unsettled."

A thought by David Roberts from his book, Healing Conversation (p. 13). Moran James Publishing. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.)

That's an honest thought.

David says, "Do you feel that way? I had hoped by now, having passed through so many milestones in my life, that life would be more tranquil. Just saying that sentence aloud feels unsettling. What an open-ended line of thinking. How would you finish the sentence? I had hoped by now my life would be_______!"

He later says, "How many of us have an inner soundtrack that plays heightened music that serves as a warning that some sort of danger is just around the next corner? How many live with an anxious sense that we are not where we should be, the world is out of control and something is bound to jump out of the dark and get us? Are there those of us who sense we are on the wrong road, at the wrong time and too late we will finally see what’s dead ahead? Will we wish we had turned right or left or made a U-turn a long time ago? If only we had chosen differently."

He goes on, "I believe that most people want the same things. I believe, across the board, across the world, across cultures, and religions, people largely want fundamentally good things. Many times, however, we just don’t agree on how to get them. And in that chaos of not agreeing on how to get them, we’ve become polarized; we’ve become adversarial instead of cooperative.

"After lots of thinking, searching and growing, I discovered the source of my thump. It is rooted in my unsettled inner world. The complexity of trying to find the right balance in life, and the truth, and the way forward required me to open up. I needed to talk about it. I needed safe places to process it all out, get input and find guidance. The source of the thump is all the built up confusion deep inside of me. I could unlock the confusion and quiet the thump by honestly sharing it in trusted relationships. However, sharing it can feel threatening because doing so often invites conflict or risks embarrassment. This insight, that sharing is important and necessary, but is also risky, adds to my unsettled feelings. I want to live in relationships where I am not afraid to be wholly myself. I want to be able to have conversations with those closest in my life without fear of rejection and without criticism or cynicism from them. I want connection; not eye rolls, frustration, generation gaps, and misunderstanding. The thump is the desire to be safe and at rest at the deepest relational parts of my soul. I think we all want to talk to our spouse without fear of conflict. I think we want to express ourselves to our children without inciting anger or disconnection, but the source of the thump is much deeper than that."

He then says, "I long for things to be different in our world. Not only do I want to genuinely be myself and express my beliefs around my closest circle, but also around those who don’t think just like I think and believe exactly what I believe. I find that as the world fractures and becomes fiercely divided, I have a deep longing for all of us to stay connected, a longing for things to come together in very personal and relational ways even as the world seems to be falling apart. I have to believe there is a purpose for such deep longing."

And that is so true, isn't it?

Yes, yes!