"A huge barrier to conversation is that so many of us have forgotten the nature of true hospitality and how to practice it."

A thought by David Roberts from his book, Healing Conversation (p. 6). Moran James Publishing. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.)

We need to understand this, don't we?

David says, "Henri J.M. Nouwen has defined hospitality as: '…primarily the creation of free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place. It is not to bring men and women over to our side, but to offer freedom not disturbed by dividing lines.'"1

David goes on, "Every human being longs to be wholly himself; to be happy, to be known, not hidden, to love and to be loved, appreciated, understood, supported, celebrated and connected. In all the years I have served as a pastor I have never had anyone come into my office seeking loneliness. Some have come wishing they could be left alone, but no one wants to be lonely.

"The key to being known and understood and ultimately to being loved as wholly oneself, is learning to communicate at the deepest and most intimate levels. If you stop and think it over, the primary way we can learn, grow, connect, understand and become relationally involved is with our words. All of our understanding is built through communication, but the communication that builds understanding is sabotaged when we try to push personal agendas. Any hope of a relational conversation stops immediately. Intimacy is banished. Isolation is increased and disappointment grips our hearts once again. Even worse, we are experts at settling into patterns. The content of many conversations is predictable based on highly recognizable patterns."

He continues, "Most of us feel the pinch of a coming interaction after the first few words. We begin a conversation, familiar patterns appear and we feel ourselves slipping into what feels like a pre-rehearsed script. Our conversation is no longer alive and spontaneous. We are almost on auto pilot as the all too familiar words replay once again. At this point, we are pulling up the defenses that have guided us through this conversation before. When these patterns emerge, the hope for a satisfying conversation seems remote or even hopeless. If we stopped in the middle of this mechanical conversation we would likely find our brains are focused on our defenses and our anxiety is high. These patterns undermine any hope of genuine hospitality, let alone a satisfying exchange."

He then says, "Is it possible that we don’t experience hospitality even in our homes? We don’t converse as much anymore because we have neglected the finer points of hospitality. We may often find ourselves in a debate where someone is trying to convince us of something. We may even be privileged to enjoy a moment of discussion, but research tells us that usually discussions are dominated by those who talk the most. True dialogue, where we enjoy the warmth and comfort of genuine conversation is rare and precious."

And that is so true, isn't it? 

Yes, yes!