“If incompatibility were all that was needed for divorce, no one would stay married.”

A thought by John Ortberg (2012-08-07) from his book, Who Is This Man?: TheUnpredictable Impact of the Inescapable Jesus (p. 143). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

But we use any excuse we can to strive to find that right person. We thought this person we married was the right one until we lived with them for a while and we found that we were incompatible. She/he didn’t always agree with me and give me what I want. That isn’t incompatibility that is selfishness.

John quotes G. K. Chesterton who wrote “I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. For a man and a woman, as such, are incompatible.”

Andy Stanley in his new book, The New Rules for Love, Sex,and Dating says, “Looking for the right person is a great idea as long as you don’t assume that finding the right person ensures everything will be all right. Looking for the right person is essential; it’s just not enough. There’s more to a satisfying relationship than finding the right person.”

And that is where the commitment comes in. Those vows, they are there to hold you steady during the growing part of the relationship with your spouse. Yes there are times that we want to run but we made those vows. Yes there is great adversity but we made those vows before God and man. But they are different. Yes but you made those vows and you are a person of your word.

Yes, a relationship between a man and women can be very difficult but it is worth it if you strive to learn and to give and to minister and to love and to grow.

I am so glad that I didn’t give in to the incompatibility excuse and stayed with it. Margaret and I are different in many ways but that is a part of the adventure of growing older together. Also remember God hasn’t used that as an excuse in His relationship with us.

So what are you learning to accept in your spouse?

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