“Great relationships are built on good decisions, not strong emotion.”

A thought by Andy Stanley (2015-01-06) from his book, The New Rules for Love, Sex, andDating (p. 63). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. (Click on the title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

Here is the key. Andy then says, “Again, falling in love is easy; it requires a pulse. Staying in love requires more. Specifically, embracing love as a verb.” Embracing love as a verb. In other words, long lasting love is something you do not something you feel.

Now Andy says, “As commonsense as it may sound, the idea of embracing love as a verb is not all that common. Our culture is not characterized by love as a verb or an imperative. Our culture is characterized by a multifaceted distortion of the Golden Rule.”

Such as, “• Do unto others as they do unto you. • Do unto others as they deserve to be done unto. • Do unto others so as to get them to do what you want them to do. • Do unto others until you are ready to do unto somebody else.” And we call that love.

Then he says, “Such are the unwritten rules of too many relationships. The assumption being, ‘I’ll do my part as long as you do yours.’ The results are fragile relational contracts built on conditional agreements that leave both parties focused on the behavior of their partner. To borrow a phrase from my friend Craig Groeschel, they are relationships built on ‘mutual distrust.’”

And then, “All this is a direct outflow of the right person myth. People expect their right persons to act the right way. So they keep their eyes on ’em to make sure they uphold their end of the bargain. In a relationship where both parties expect the behavior of the other to carry the weight of the relationship, disappointment is inevitable. With disappointment comes blame. Know how many relationship problems have been solved through blame? Well yes, you do. None. Add to this our culture’s low threshold for relational pain and you understand why so many people conclude their right persons weren’t right after all. They cut their losses, chalk it up to a bad decision, and begin looking for the next right person. But there’s a better way. Namely, make love a verb.”

I'm so glad Margaret, my wife didn't do that to me. She stuck it out through what I call my 3 year jerk time. We've had 37 great years and three bad ones. She didn't chalk it up to a bad decision but she made love a verb. She didn't feel love toward me in those years and she didn't bale on me either.

So are you embracing love as a verb?

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