A thought by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend from their book, It's Not My Fault. (pg. 21) Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)
That is something we really don't want to be good at, do we?
The guys say, “We do not need any new ones, for the old ones work just fine. Think about it. Look back at the failures you’ve experienced in relationships, moods, goals, careers, habits, or whatever. They all tend to follow the same path. Meet the guy, get enamored, have him chase you, adapt to whatever he wants, have a good season, he loses interest, you try to win him back, and then finally he is gone. And then repeat that in the next seven relationships.
“Or, experience a strong desire for a certain relationship, have it disappointed, have the argument, get stuck in the conflict, become estranged, come back together and not resolve it, and wait for the next go-round.
“There are many examples of these repetitive cycles, but the truth is what it is: we have patterns of failure. They are very predictable. Often when a couple comes to me for counseling, one of them will make an accusatory statement about the other. ‘Okay, stop,’ I will say. ‘Do you know what your partner is going to say or do in reaction to what you just said? Do you know already where this conversation is going?’ Invariably the answer is yes. So, that brings up the obvious question: ‘Then why do you do it?’
“And here is the answer: we slip into patterns of behaving and reacting that remain fixed until we observe them and change them. We put ourselves on autopilot. We abandon conscious control and just repeat the same things over and over again. That is our innate nature, and it won’t change until we work on changing it. You’ve heard it said, the fool repeats his folly, or more graphically, the dog returns to its vomit. (See Proverbs 26:11.) This means that to the degree that we are not seeing our own patterns of behavior and taking responsibility for them, we are going to repeat them.”
Later they say, “Ask yourself this: In the significant areas of life that I care about, what unhelpful patterns am I repeating? When you discover such a pattern, you find an area of responsibility. You are not responsible for the bad things that happen to you, but you are responsible for the patterns you create in response to them. Find a pattern and you find an opportunity for growth, change, and power. If every time I drive by the Golden Arches I turn in and eat five cheeseburgers, I may do well to see a pattern and not drive that route. Understand your patterns and own them. When you do that, you will begin to see alternative choices. If every time you find yourself in situation A you do B and get negative results, you may do well to recognize that this is not just something that is happening to you. You may have some responsibility in it. And the good news is this: wherever you have responsibility, you have the opportunity for change, choice, power, and a new outcome. If—and that is a big if—you take responsibility for that pattern.”
Would you today in the unhealthy area of your life start striving to do the big if? Would you?
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