“Active and passive meanings have no moral value; they are neither good nor bad.”

A thought by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend from their book, It's Not My Fault. (pg. 45) Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

Maybe it has been a while since you have heard these two words.  John says, “The active voice connotes that someone is doing something; the passive voice indicates that something is being done.”  Ok, that is what they mean.

John says, “They just convey different realities. But the problem comes when people use passive language to explain their choices in such a way that they disown responsibility, ownership, and empowerment. They have selected a way of thinking and communicating to others that hampers their ability to take charge and take action to get what they need.”

He goes on, “Let’s look at some examples of using passive language, and how it could be recast in ways more helpful in meeting your goals:

 “• I was prevented from getting to the meeting on time by the traffic. How about, ‘I chose to chat on the phone too long before I got in the car’?

 • The opportunity to bring up the problem didn’t come up in the conversation. How about, ‘I felt awkward, so I didn’t say anything’?

 • He made me go to that horrible movie. How about, ‘I gave him control over my choices’?

 • We ended up in bed. How about, ‘I let my guard down and chose to have sex with him’?

 • I was manipulated into buying the stock. How about, ‘I chose to not do the research myself, and gave the power and responsibility to that group?

 • I’m waiting on God to find me the perfect job. (This clothes irresponsible passivity—a passive attitude—in pseudo-spiritual language.) How about, ‘I don’t want to send out resumes, call people, and go online. It’s too much trouble?

“When you hold these passive excuses up to the light and expose them, they are not very pretty. And there are lots more examples of passive language than these few. But you get the point. It’s all about learning to put yourself back on the hot seat, which is certainly uncomfortable, but when you compare that momentary discomfort to the reality that you are now back in the driver’s seat of your life, it’s worth it. Now you can get back to what you can do and achieve. Until you do that, other people are in charge of your life.

So, do you want to take responsibility for your life?  Do you and will you?

Yes, yes!