Skip to main content

“I can’t thinking is the opposite of can do thinking.”

A thought by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend from their book, It's Not My Fault. (pg. 42) Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

John says, “It is literally can’t do thinking. In this mentality, people feel unable to make any move to better their situation or reach their goal. They feel profoundly helpless. I can’t thinking simply shuts the door to opportunities, hope, and change. There is no recourse; nothing can be done and nothing can be different.

“Now, certainly there are some can’ts in the world. Most of us can’t become NBA players, or Harvard professors, or Jack Welches. But the number of people endowed to achieve these goals is a tiny percentage of a tiny percentage of the population. There are a lot more cans than can’ts out there, but somehow for some people the can’ts seem to carry the day.”

He says, “Actually, there is a certain relief in I can’t thinking. When people give up on a dream or on changing a problem situation, they feel they can stop beating their head against a tree. No longer must they keep making attempt after attempt. They give up, change directions, and change their focus and expectations.”

But, he later says, “I can’t is usually distorted thinking because it simply does not reflect reality. You can overcome the distortion by substituting reality phrases for I can’t in your personal vocabulary. Here are a few that are usually more accurate than I can’t.

“I am avoiding difficulty: Trying to get that raise will be a lot of work, but it’s more than I know to say whether I can or I can’t before I try.

“I am afraid: I fear that if I ask my friends to set me up with a date, they’ll think I’m desperate.

“I’m not sure: I can’t tell what will happen when I tell my wife I’m not happy with our sex life, and it’s hard for me to say things when I’m not sure about the outcome.

“I won’t: The catchall. I realize I really could start taking night courses for an MBA, but I just won’t do it right now.”

He then says, “There is hope in all of these phrases, certainly a lot more than in the utterly hopeless ‘I can’t!’ If you label your excuses honestly, you can learn to face difficulties you are avoiding; your fears can be comforted, and you can be reassured; a lack of sureness can turn to confidence, and even your refusal to make a move still implies that you have a choice. Whereas I can’t takes the choice out of your hands. So pay attention to your vocabulary and banish I can’t thinking (except maybe for your hope of playing in the NBA).

So, will you start to overcome the distortion by substituting reality phrases for I can’t in your personal vocabulary?  Will you?

Yes, yes!
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

“There’s a big difference between building a castle and building a kingdom.”

A thought by Bob Goff from his book, Everybody, Always: Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People ( p. 41). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)   Have you ever built a sand castle or maybe a Lego castle?   Have you? Bob says, “We actually build castles all the time, out of our jobs and our families and the things we’ve purchased. Sometimes we even make them out of each other. Some of these castles are impressive too. Lots of people come to admire what we’ve built over the course of our lives and tell us what great castles we have. But Jesus told His friends we weren’t supposed to spend our lives building castles. He said He wanted us to build a kingdom, and there’s a big difference between building a castle and building a kingdom.” Bob goes on, “You see, castles have moats to keep creepy people out, but kingdoms have bridges to let everyone in. Castles have dungeons for people who ha...
Post a Comment
Read more

“When you understand that life is a test, you realize that nothing is insignificant in your life.”

A thought by Rick Warren, (2012-10-23) from his book, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? (Purpose Driven Life, The) (p. 57). Zondervan. Kindle Edition. To realize that from God’s perspective life is a test goes a long way in determining how you handle your life.   It is important to see that in testing your character is both developed and revealed.   Rick goes on to say that “even the smallest incident has significance for your character development. Every day is an important day, and every second is a growth opportunity to deepen your character, to demonstrate love, or to depend on God.” So there is a God purpose behind each situation in your life.   Even the bad ones are there to strengthen you and develop you.   You see those bad situations are really good ones because they are there for your good. I start each day with a reminder that God is good.   Not every situation that is going to come in my day is good but because G...
Post a Comment
Read more

“Sometimes we think we’re stuck simply because things are hard.”

A thought by Matt Perman, from his book, How to Get Unstuck (p. 52). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the That is a possible trap for many, isn’t it? Matt says, “But if you’re continuing to make progress and aren’t experiencing huge snags, you’re not stuck. Rather, you’re in a dip. “A dip is a temporary hard slog that you will get through if you keep pushing and don’t give up. And pushing through the hard slog is actually the fastest route to the destination. In these cases, you will be especially tempted to bail. Be discerning and able to identify that you’re in a legitimate dip and you’re not a failure.” Matt says another trap to be careful of, “Some people are stuck and don’t know it.” He goes on, “Everything can be going your way, going smoothly, and going quickly. Everything feels and seems wonderful. Yet... you are still headed toward a dead end, a form of getting stuck, if you are leaving God out of t...
Post a Comment
Read more