Skip to main content

“I can’t thinking is the opposite of can do thinking.”

A thought by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend from their book, It's Not My Fault. (pg. 42) Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

John says, “It is literally can’t do thinking. In this mentality, people feel unable to make any move to better their situation or reach their goal. They feel profoundly helpless. I can’t thinking simply shuts the door to opportunities, hope, and change. There is no recourse; nothing can be done and nothing can be different.

“Now, certainly there are some can’ts in the world. Most of us can’t become NBA players, or Harvard professors, or Jack Welches. But the number of people endowed to achieve these goals is a tiny percentage of a tiny percentage of the population. There are a lot more cans than can’ts out there, but somehow for some people the can’ts seem to carry the day.”

He says, “Actually, there is a certain relief in I can’t thinking. When people give up on a dream or on changing a problem situation, they feel they can stop beating their head against a tree. No longer must they keep making attempt after attempt. They give up, change directions, and change their focus and expectations.”

But, he later says, “I can’t is usually distorted thinking because it simply does not reflect reality. You can overcome the distortion by substituting reality phrases for I can’t in your personal vocabulary. Here are a few that are usually more accurate than I can’t.

“I am avoiding difficulty: Trying to get that raise will be a lot of work, but it’s more than I know to say whether I can or I can’t before I try.

“I am afraid: I fear that if I ask my friends to set me up with a date, they’ll think I’m desperate.

“I’m not sure: I can’t tell what will happen when I tell my wife I’m not happy with our sex life, and it’s hard for me to say things when I’m not sure about the outcome.

“I won’t: The catchall. I realize I really could start taking night courses for an MBA, but I just won’t do it right now.”

He then says, “There is hope in all of these phrases, certainly a lot more than in the utterly hopeless ‘I can’t!’ If you label your excuses honestly, you can learn to face difficulties you are avoiding; your fears can be comforted, and you can be reassured; a lack of sureness can turn to confidence, and even your refusal to make a move still implies that you have a choice. Whereas I can’t takes the choice out of your hands. So pay attention to your vocabulary and banish I can’t thinking (except maybe for your hope of playing in the NBA).

So, will you start to overcome the distortion by substituting reality phrases for I can’t in your personal vocabulary?  Will you?

Yes, yes!
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

“God does big things with small deeds.”

A thought by Max Lucado (2011-05-02) from his book, Cure for the Common Life (p. 115). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) I don’t know how you feel about what you are doing and how it can make a difference.   You may feel that it is so small and not even worth the effort. Max says, “Begin. Just begin! What seems small to you might be huge to someone else. Just ask Bohn Fawkes. During World War II, he piloted a B-17. On one mission he sustained flak from Nazi antiaircraft guns. Even though his gas tanks were hit, the plane did not explode, and Fawkes was able to land the plane. “On the morning following the raid, Fawkes asked his crew chief for the German shell. He wanted to keep a souvenir of his incredible good fortune. The crew chief explained that not just one but eleven shells had been found in the gas tanks, none of which had exploded. “Technicians opened the missiles and found them void of explosive cha...
Post a Comment
Read more

"Lie 2: The more you worry about it, the better your odds of avoiding it."

A thought by Louie Giglio in his book,   Winning the War on Worry    (p. 5). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) Here is another lie that the Enemy uses with us. And Louie says, "This is a tricky lie. Yes, we often have cause for concern and preparation. But the Enemy wants you to believe that if you worry or fret over a certain outcome long enough, you can keep something bad from happening." But this is so important to realize. He says, "The reality is worrying has never once prevented something negative from happening. Planning might. Prayer has. But worry never will." He continues, "The Enemy tells you that by worrying about a situation (or every situation) you can make your tomorrow better. Really, worry just robs you of today. Jesus implored us: 'I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body mor...
Post a Comment
Read more

“There’s a big difference between building a castle and building a kingdom.”

A thought by Bob Goff from his book, Everybody, Always: Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People ( p. 41). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)   Have you ever built a sand castle or maybe a Lego castle?   Have you? Bob says, “We actually build castles all the time, out of our jobs and our families and the things we’ve purchased. Sometimes we even make them out of each other. Some of these castles are impressive too. Lots of people come to admire what we’ve built over the course of our lives and tell us what great castles we have. But Jesus told His friends we weren’t supposed to spend our lives building castles. He said He wanted us to build a kingdom, and there’s a big difference between building a castle and building a kingdom.” Bob goes on, “You see, castles have moats to keep creepy people out, but kingdoms have bridges to let everyone in. Castles have dungeons for people who ha...
Post a Comment
Read more