“When we give in secret, we break the cycle of obligation that is so often present in our relationships.”

A thought by Darren Whitehead and Jon Tyson, (2011-07-19) in their book, Rumors of God: Experience the Kind of Faith You´ve Only Heard About (Kindle Location 632). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

I had never thought about that but it is true. Let’s say you have a friend who gives you a birthday card. It is just a simple little card. Now of course you must try to find out when their birthday is so you can send them a card. It is the correct thing to do. It is your obligation.

I remember when my daughter got married and of course all those wedding gifts and then all of those thank you cards. One person kept asking when they were going to get their thank you card. I know that is the right thing to do, it is your obligation but somehow that made their gift more for them than for my daughter and son-in-law. They needed to be affirmed, it was for them.

Now I don’t want to get in the middle of the correct thing to do stuff in gift giving but I do find that something is missing in all of this. Isn’t a real gift something I do because I care for someone without any expectation involved? Somehow it stops being a gift and becomes a contract or an obligation. It seems that the only obligation is for me to just receive the gift.

I know some parents who give to their kids with expectations involved. They are trying to buy their love with gifts or their obedience. The same is true in marriage. One of the mates gives a gift and can’t wait to see what the other one is going to give them and if it isn’t as good as their gift then there will be a problem. That is wrong. Real, authentic love gives with no expectation in return. You just give. End of the subject.

But one way to break this obligation cycle is to give anonymously. Just give it with no name attached. Now it will drive them up the wall but they might stop and thank God for the gift. There is also something for you. As Darren and Jon say, “this sort of giving has the power to transform our hearts and break us out of the rut that we often find ourselves in.” And I am all in favor of breaking us out of a rut.

What about you?

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