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“Our most powerful internal maps are our relational ones.”

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Necessary Endings (p. 64).
HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

They really are.

Henry says, “In fact, our earliest mappings of the world come from our relationships. This is probably not news to you, but it is very important in terms of endings. You have software that tells you how to negotiate virtually every aspect of life as it plays out in relationships, and the maps order how you think, feel, and behave.

“If these rules come into conflict with any particular ending, then you will be stuck. I worked with a business owner one time who began under a mentor who launched him and brought him up in the business. This mentor was a great gift to him, and without him he probably would not have even gotten started. They worked together in the business for about a decade.”

Henry goes on, “But then, the student grew past the teacher, and it was time for a launch. He had great opportunities before him and needed to take a step, but the mentor relationship was holding him back. He had formed a rule in his head that said to grow up and move on was being disloyal and ungrateful. He could not see how he could separate his business from his mentor and be anything other than a real jerk. So he stalled. He missed opportunity after opportunity. His misplaced loyalty had put a ceiling on his personal potential as well as his business potential. He felt he owed his mentor so much that he could never leave him.

“After a lot of awareness, focus, and internal ‘remapping’ he got to a place where he was conflict-free enough to move forward. He could finally see how leaving, moving on, and becoming all that he was meant to be was really a validation of his mentor and that he could be loyal and keep a good relationship with him even if they were not partners. It was rocky for a bit, as most endings are, but with the new map, he could negotiate it well. As a result, he became enormously successful, but about three years later than he should have. One wonders how much he left on the table in those stuck years in terms of money, achievement, growth, and even contentment.”

Later he says, “Loyalty is important, one of the most important character traits we can have. But loyal love does not mean infinite and/or misplaced responsibility for another’s life, nor does it mean that one forever puts up with mistreatment out of inappropriate loyalty.”

Yes, we have a responsibility to others, but we also have a greater responsibility for the plan and purpose that God has for our life. Let’s make sure that we live out and follow His plan and purpose, okay? 

Yes, yes!
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