Skip to main content

“We all have a tendency toward projection in marriage.”

A thought by Kyle Idleman (2014-03-01) from his book, AHA: The God Moment That Changes Everything (p. 120). David C. Cook. Kindle Edition. (Click on the title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

Now you might want to know what projection is, so Bill, what is it?

Well, Kyle gives a good definition of it.  He says, “Projection is when we admit the reality of an unpleasant fact, but we deny responsibility. Denial is refusing to admit the reality of an unpleasant fact, but projection is admitting that the reality exists without taking responsibility for it. We just blame someone else.”  In other words we project our blame on someone else.

Kyle says, “Instead of taking responsibility, we blame our spouse.”

He goes on, “Imagine that every day you take a lunch with you to work, and every day it’s the same thing— chicken salad sandwiches. You continually complain to your coworkers that it’s always chicken salad sandwiches in your lunch. You are sick and tired of chicken salad sandwiches. You even tell a coworker you’d rather die than eat one more chicken salad sandwich. Finally, someone asks, ‘Why don’t you ask your wife to make you something else?’ You reply, ‘Oh, actually I make lunch myself.’”

He then says, “That’s the reality for many of us. We end up in the Distant Country living in very difficult circumstances, and we make it sound like it’s someone else’s fault, when in reality, we’ve made our own lunch.”

The truth is as Kyle says, “Projection is much easier than brutal honesty. The problem is that it doesn’t get you out of the pigpen.”


So are you usually taking responsibility or giving out the blame?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

“Hurry and love are incompatible.”

A thought by John Mark Comer from his book, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry (p. 23). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Wow, pretty strong thought isn’t it? John says, “All my worst moments as a father, a husband, and a pastor, even as a human being, are when I’m in a hurry—late for an appointment, behind on my unrealistic to-do list, trying to cram too much into my day. I ooze anger, tension, a critical nagging—the antitheses of love. If you don’t believe me, next time you’re trying to get your type B wife and three young, easily distracted children out of the house and you’re running late (a subject on which I have a wealth of experience), just pay attention to how you relate to them. Does it look and feel like love? Or is it far more in the vein of agitation, anger, a biting comment, a rough glare? Hurry and love are oil and water: they simply do not mix.” He goes on, “Hence, in the apostle P...

"Lie 2: The more you worry about it, the better your odds of avoiding it."

A thought by Louie Giglio in his book,   Winning the War on Worry    (p. 5). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.) Here is another lie that the Enemy uses with us. And Louie says, "This is a tricky lie. Yes, we often have cause for concern and preparation. But the Enemy wants you to believe that if you worry or fret over a certain outcome long enough, you can keep something bad from happening." But this is so important to realize. He says, "The reality is worrying has never once prevented something negative from happening. Planning might. Prayer has. But worry never will." He continues, "The Enemy tells you that by worrying about a situation (or every situation) you can make your tomorrow better. Really, worry just robs you of today. Jesus implored us: 'I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body mor...

“The gospel is good news, not good advice.”

A thought by Timothy Keller (2016-10-25) from his book, Hidden Christmas: The Surprising Truth Behind the Birth of Christ (p. 21). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) I’m glad you stopped to catch a glimpse of what this thought really means. Tim says, “Advice is counsel about what you must do. News is a report about what has already been done. Advice urges you to make something happen. News urges you to recognize something that has already happened and to respond to it. Advice says it is all up to you to act. News says someone else has acted.” He then gives an illustration, “Let’s say there is an invading army coming toward a town. What that town needs is military advisers; it needs advice. Someone should explain that the earthworks and trenches should go over there, the marksmen go up there, and the tanks must go down there.”   That’s advice He goes on, “However, if a great king has intercepted and ...