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“We came into our marriage focusing on how we wanted to be loved.”

A thought by Mark Batterson, Richard Foth, and Susanna Foth Aughtmon (2015-04-28) from their book, A Trip around the Sun: Turning Your Everyday Life into the Adventure of a Lifetime  (p. 101). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

I think most of us come into marriage thinking that and then along the way we grow up.  But so many individuals keep thinking that way and life isn’t so good for them.  As Mark says, “Those of you who are married know that self-focused marriages don’t do that well.”

But that’s not God plan.  He has something better for us.

Mark says, “The goal of marriage is not happiness, it is holiness. That thought is not original to me, but I have experienced it firsthand. There is no mechanism whereby God can sanctify a person more than having them live in close proximity to another imperfect person. When I get into an emotional slump, nine times out of ten it’s because I zoom in on something I’m not happy about and I need to zoom out and refocus on something I’m grateful for. In the same sense, when I get into a relational slump, nine times out of ten it’s because I zoom in on getting my needs met and I need to zoom out and refocus on meeting someone else’s needs. If the goal of marriage is just to be happy all the time, and not a process of God sanctifying us, then we run into trouble. We don’t end up sanctified or happy. We usually end up dissatisfied and desperate.”

He then goes on to say, “Our fundamental problem is that we are selfish. Marriage is the means whereby God eradicates our selfishness because it is not about ‘me’ anymore, it is about ‘we.’ Of course, some of us need a little more eradication than others. So God gives us kids! And it usually takes more than one kid to do the job! Marriage is meant to be a joint venture. And by that, I don’t mean a 50-50 proposition. It’s 100-100. When you know someone is in your corner till death do you part, it gives you the courage to go another round. It’s us against the world.”

He then ends this section by saying, “To cherish is to out-love, out-care, out-share, and out-give each other. It revolutionizes the way we see life. It sanctifies our selfish nature. It opens up our eyes to what true love really looks like, and when we get it right, we get in on the adventure of a lifetime.”


So how is it going inside you and your relationship?
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