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“Relationships never work well when you only listen to yourself.”

A thought by Mark Batterson, Richard Foth, and Susanna Foth Aughtmon (2015-04-28) from their book, A Trip around the Sun: Turning Your Everyday Life into the Adventure ofa Lifetime  (p. 98). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

It is so very easy as a minister to think that we have a direct line from God so we don’t need to listen to anyone else even our wife.  But that is sooooo wrong.  So wrong.  That is also true of many men who aren’t ministers and also many women who believe they know best and they don’t need to listen.  But that idea is a quick way to ruin a relationship and especially a marriage.

Dick says, “Taking the time to hear a spouse brings honor and credence to the conversation. It acknowledges the value of the other person. If we stop talking or listening, we are dead in the water. Silence in a marriage is not golden. It is ambiguous. When silence falls, I don’t know what it means— or am scared I do know what it means. Without clear communication, our greatest adventure can become a terrible trip.”

Maybe your great adventure has become a terrible trip.  Dick continues, “Sometimes men and women don’t communicate well because they interpret life so differently. It’s like hearing a foreign language— trying to understand Chinese when you are fluent in Swahili. Both parties are talking, but they certainly don’t understand each other. It’s the Tower of Babel in our family room. Sadly, you won’t find a CliffsNotes version on how to love and understand each other. God has given you this incredible gift of a person. It’s up to you to be curious enough to ask the right questions and then be observant enough to learn how that person needs to be loved. Marriage is meant to be a lifelong journey of discovery.”

I told a guy the other day that I take my wife and pick her up at work every day.  The guy said to me, “why would you do that?  I am trying to do all I can to stay away from my wife.”  My thought was, what a waist.  I love the extra hour to 2 hours we have to talk.  She is my best friend.  But I know that can’t be said about a lot of marriages.

Dick said, “I often end marriage retreats with a specific exercise. I have the spouses join hands and close their eyes. Then I preface my prayer with this instruction: ‘Hear what I’m saying. The person whose hand you hold is an original from the land of the Holy Spirit. They are a gift to you to be held in trust, so treat them with grace, with kindness, with mercy, and with respect, because you only get one shot at this deal.’”


So how are you treating God’s gift to you?

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