Just Continue That Thought...

A thought by John Townsend from his book, Loving People (p.40). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Codependency can drain you emotionally. John says, “The ‘need to be needed’ problem, codependency is the tendency to take responsibility for others’ lives, unhappiness, problems, or character immaturity. Whether it is motivated by concern, guilt, or a lack of understanding, codependency results in rescuing or enabling behaviors. If you tend to be codependent in your relationships, I guarantee you will feel drained at some point.” He continues, “There is a reason that those who enable others feel drained. Codependents take ownership of problems that another person should be worried about. They are actually shouldering a burden that is not theirs to bear. It does not fit, it is not right, and it harms them and the person they want to help by regressing that person and removing them from accountability for their lif

A thought by John Townsend from his book, Loving People (p.39). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) But some believe the myth that if you love people, you will be emptied, drained, and sucked dry. John says, “Many people are concerned about this, afraid that if they give of themselves too much, they may get in trouble emotionally or not have enough care to give to others they are responsible for, or even enough to take care of themselves. For example, a friend of mine who is a nurse in the intensive care unit at a hospital told me she was thinking about changing her career, as it took too much away from her. ‘After an eight-hour shift, there’s nothing left of me, and then I have to care for my family. But I don’t have anything left to give,’ she said. There are other serving, relationally based careers that have this issue, such as teaching, ministry, counseling, and the like. This is a common concern. However, it

A thought by John Townsend from his book, Loving People (p.37). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) But we can't use that as an excuse at not growing. John says, “We are never truly finished with changing emotionally and spiritually, though we can make great changes and strides toward becoming a healthy, loving person. That means that, along with the proper and righteous anger and hatred we need, loving people will still slip up and be selfishly mad and revengeful toward others they love. While that is not a good thing, it is a real thing.” He goes on, “So do not expect yourself to never be angry with those you love; do not be totally disappointed with yourself when you fail . Keep working on demonstrating love and healthy expressions of anger and hatred, while giving up the unhealthy versions. However, in your mind, and in your loving relationships, there needs to be more love than anger and hate. This mix

A thought by John Townsend from his book, Loving People (p.36). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) So, what is the deal with hatred? John says, “While anger is an emotion, and emotions are transitory and can change quickly, hatred is a stance. It has no real time limit to it. Hatred indicates that you wish someone ill or desire revenge or pain for them. It is more of a value and attitude than an emotion. Hatred can destroy love and relationship. That is, if you dislike someone so intensely that you find yourself wishing the person harm, or that he will fail in life, it is anti-love, the opposite of seeking and accomplishing the person’s best.” He goes on, “Often, hatred that will not go away has other causes that keep it alive. For example, a lack of forgiveness, a relationship in which we feel helpless and controlled, our resistance to the freedoms of others, and our envy of the success of others are common r

A thought by John Townsend from his book, Loving People (p.33). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) And we need to see this. John says, “Anger is an emotion. Like all emotions, it serves as a signal to us, giving us information we need. Feelings are like the warning alerts on your computer screen. They pop up when your battery is down, when a virus is present, or when your hard drive is full. That way, you know it is time to do something. In the same way, the emotion of anger pops up to signal us that there is a problem to be solved. There is action to be taken about some matter. The angry feelings generate energy, awareness, and focus so that we can move quickly to fix whatever is going on.” He goes on, “Just as computer alerts are neither good nor bad in themselves, anger is also morally neutral. What drives us to anger can be good or bad. For example, my sons now have the same shoe size as I do, so sometimes

A thought by John Townsend from his book, Loving People (p.31). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) And there is a difference. John says, “Loving people don’t put up with evil and foolishness. That is enabling and rescuing, and it never helps anyone. Instead, people who are truly loving will confront, limit, and quarantine people who consistently make wrong choices. So keep that distinction in mind: love seeks the best, but it does not enable bad behavior.” He goes on, “But with all this said, remember that as you grow into a more loving person, you will seek good for that person and wish good things for that person. It may have to be from a distance, with some separateness, especially if the person is very toxic, and you must be responsible for yourself. But loving people still go further than merely tolerating an unlovable person as the person continues to grow in love and grace. “Not only that, but lovi

A thought by John Townsend from his book, Loving People (p.31). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.) Yes, but we sure do want it, don’t we? John says, “And the unkind, self-centered, destructive people in your life are so bereft of love that they often need a miracle to get them out of their mess. And that is what the good news of Christ is all about: ‘For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God.’(1 Peter 3:18) It is our very state of unrighteousness that moved God’s heart to reach out and love us in an unfathomable way.” He then says, “This is important to understand in relationships. When you truly love someone in a mature way, you seek the person’s best, but you also seek the person, as much as that is possible. That is, love goes further than tolerating someone or having the ability to stand being in his or her presence. That certainly may be all you can do i