"... shame is a bully—especially for leaders, who can bully themselves incessantly."

A thought by Chad Veach from his book, I Work with People (p. 40). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition. (Click on the book title to go to Amazon to buy the book.)

Have you found that to be true?

Chad says, "Everyone has issues. No debate there. When it comes to leading fallible people, most leaders know that they have to show mercy and grace, give people space, believe the best about others, and focus on potential as well as problems. But how do we as leaders treat our own fallible selves? Do we show ourselves the same grace we extend to others? This is important because we can’t lead ourselves unless we love ourselves."

He goes on, "If you’re anything like me, love and grace are probably not your first reactions when you come face-to-face with your failures or weaknesses. My first response is often shame. I feel embarrassed. I hope no one notices or gets hurt. On the one hand, it’s normal to feel embarrassed, but I also know that embarrassment can quickly escalate to shame, and shame is a bully—especially for leaders, who can bully themselves incessantly."

He continues, "Researcher and bestselling author Brené Brown has spent years studying the effects of shame on people’s lives and, conversely, the importance of vulnerability. Her TEDx talk, 'The Power of Vulnerability,' has amassed over forty-five million views and is one of the top TED talks of all time.

"Dr. Brown’s message is that you can’t be vulnerable without knowing how to handle shame. You will face criticism and failure, so you will feel shame from time to time. But you don’t have to live in shame, and you don’t have to be shut down by shame. Instead, you can embrace vulnerability. How? By separating your worth as a person from your function as a leader.

She says, "When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible. Keep worthiness off the table. Your raise can be on the table, your promotion can be on the table, your title can be on the table, your grades can be on the table. But keep your worthiness for love and belonging off the table. And then ironically everything else just takes care of itself."

Chad later says, "If you don’t learn to value and love yourself—to separate your worth from the things you accomplish, the praise you receive, or the goals you reach—you won’t lead yourself. Why? Because you won’t believe in yourself enough to really try. And if you don’t love yourself, you won’t follow yourself, either, because why would you want to follow a leader who despises you, even if that leader is you? Hating yourself and shaming yourself is doubly unmotivating. You’ll stop listening to that God-given voice within that believes in you, encourages you to try, and gives you pep talks to keep going. You’ll become your own biggest critic and your own most vicious hater."

He then says, "It’s been said that you teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, others won’t either. If you don’t think what you have to say is important, others won’t listen. That’s why you can’t allow others to tell you how to feel about yourself. The way people treat you is shaped, to a great extent, by the way you treat yourself."

So, treat yourself the right way by listening to the voice that believes in you, okay?

Yes, yes!