“To achieve is the child’s responsibility, but to empower the child is the parent’s responsibility.”

A thought by Henry Cloud, from his book, Integrity (p. 85). HarperCollins e-books. Kindle Edition.  (Click on the book title to go to Amazon.com to buy the book.)

And this is so important to see.

Henry says, “. . . instead of just setting a standard, the parent of grace gives support, coaching, teaching, structure, modeling, help, and consequences to empower the child to get there. Those are things that the child cannot provide and so are ‘unmerited.’ They are given without their being earned, and that is grace. But grace is not removing the standard. The requirement stays, and the person of grace does what is possible to be ‘for’ the other person’s meeting it.”

He goes on, “In marriage or intimate relationships, this kind of character does the same thing. Certainly, one holds requirements and standards. But, if the other person does not meet them, the person of character does not retaliate or go instantly looking for someone who can. Instead, he or she becomes a redemptive force, to do good ‘for’ the other person by providing ‘unmerited’ or undeserved help. This may be by asking ‘How can I help you?’ or calling a counselor in, or using other friends that have redemptive leverage, all the way to an intervention. . . But the key is that this kind of person keeps the standard, while at the same time trying to be a force that helps the other person meet the standard. That is a trustworthy character that we can throw in with and depend on for the long haul.”

He then says, “Integrity, the kind that meets the demands of reality, is character that can handle another person’s not being all someone needs that person to be. By moving as a positive force that is ‘for’ the other person’s getting better, as opposed to moving against him or disengaging because he isn’t, the person leverages him to a higher level. As a result, these people do not get dragged down by other people’s failures, but are a force of redemption in any situation, bringing it to a higher level. That translates into a relationship being healed in one’s personal life, or a company getting turned around in one’s business life. Either way, his or her character has been a force ‘for’ the good of the other, even when no one made her do it. And that is why when you look at the long-term wake of this kind of person, you find long-term, successful relationships and work scenarios. When troublesome realities came along, his or her character was able to meet those demands and be a redemptive force.”

And that is what we all need and need to be, isn’t it?

Yes, yes!